I'll Have a Donut. But Just This Once.

 Do any of these thoughts sound familiar?

• I'm going to let myself have a donut, but just this one time.

• These fries are so yummy, but I should have ordered a side salad instead.

• I need to eat good tomorrow to make up for all these cookies I shouldn’t be eating.

• Once I’m done with this bag of chips, I’m not going to buy them again.

• I can have pizza for dinner, but need to get back on track this next week.

• I’m gonna be bad and eat some cake; it is a special occasion after all!

These are all examples of mental restriction.

Although you may believe you aren’t restricting your eating, if you have thoughts like these, you are.

Threat of Deprivation
Even if you are allowing yourself to physically eat a food (e.g., I'm going to have a donut), if you’re denying yourself on a psychological level (e.g., I shouldn’t be eating this donut), you are restricting.

While a part of you is saying, “Yes, I'm going to eat this,” another part of you is saying, “No, I shouldn’t eat it” or “I won’t eat it again.” 

Mental restriction creates a threat of future deprivation that often leads to eating past comfortable fullness, sometimes in a way that feels out of control or binge-like.

This is not due to a lack of willpower, discipline or self-control. It’s a natural human response to potential food scarcity.

Unfortunately, this very normal and understandable response can make you feel bad, guilty and ashamed—and trigger a desire to diet and cut out certain foods as a way to gain control of your eating.

Dieting, with all its food rules, will only exacerbate your restrictive mindset (a.k.a. the diet mentality), ultimately creating a more fraught, roller-coaster relationship with food.

If you long for food peace, it’s essential to let go of all forms of restriction.

Intuitive Eating can help you identify and challenge your restrictive thoughts, which can be subtle and sneaky, so you can truly give yourself unconditional permission to eat in a way that both tastes and feels satisfying. You deserve nothing but.


Of course, it’s important to note that some foods may need to be avoided due to certain medical conditions, such as a peanut allergy or celiac disease.

It's OK to Eat Ice Cream in Bed. And Hate Exercise.

I find it so helpful to remember that, despite what diet and wellness cultures want you to believe, it’s completely okay to…

Eat when you’re sad, stressed, lonely or bored

Crave something sweet after a meal

Get seconds

Dislike cooking

Eat while watching TV

Enjoy bread

Use food to help you focus

Eat cheese and crackers for dinner

Hate exercising

Clean your plate

Eat chips straight from the bag

Snack late at night

Buy processed foods

Eat freely on days you don’t work out

Go for dessert first

Turn to food for comfort

Eat ice cream in bed

Unnecessary Suffering
Like most of us, diet and wellness cultures have likely made you believe you’re being bad, unhealthy or undisciplined if you don’t adhere to their constantly changing and often contradictory food and exercise rules.

As a result, you may experience a lot of anxiety, guilt or shame when you don’t do the “right” thing. I certainly used to! 

My food and exercise “sins” would often keep me awake at night as I fretted over how I messed up and how I would make up for it the next day. 

A big part of Intuitive Eating is about identifying and challenging all the unhelpful rules and beliefs that cause you so much unnecessary suffering and prevent you from having a flexible, satisfying, positive and peaceful relationship with food and movement. 

I encourage you to pause and reflect on what some of your rules are. Most of us have a pretty long list!

It’s such a relief when you fully believe you’re not doing anything wrong, a bad person or morally inferior if you snack when you’re stressed, skip your workout or eat ice cream in bed. 

I Have a Love-Hate Relationship with Food. How About You?

How would you describe your relationship with food?

When I ask people this question, one of the most frequent answers I get is “I have a love-hate relationship with food.”

Some other common responses include:

• Bad

• Complicated

• Obsessive

• Unhealthy

• Stressful

• Guilt-ridden

• Difficult

• Controlling

• All-or-nothing

• Out of control

• Compulsive

• Anxiety-filled

• Secretive

• Negative

• Judgmental

• Fearful

• Punitive

Do any of these descriptors resonate with you?

See It Differently Now
Many years ago, when I was restricting my eating in an effort to lose weight and “eat clean," I probably would have described my relationship with food as good, healthy, disciplined.  

As I was so entrenched in diet and wellness cultures, I couldn’t see how disordered my eating had become. I thought I was being good, doing the right thing. 

This belief was often reinforced by many of the people around me, who often praised my eating. I don’t blame them. We live in a culture that normalizes and celebrates disordered eating. 

Ironically, I also considered myself to be a passionate foodie even though I rarely ate anything that wasn't on my diet-approved list. Instead, I took a lot of joy in watching others consume the foods I was excited about.

Looking back now, I would describe my relationship with food as all-consuming, hypervigilant, calculated, rigid, black-and-white, moralistic, fraught, tense, isolating and utterly exhausting. 

I feel sad and regretful when I reflect on that time, and also incredibly grateful I got out of such a dysfunctional relationship.

Of course, some aspects of it were pleasurable, at least for brief moments until I reached the point of uncomfortable fullness (overeating is a natural response to food deprivation), and before my inner Food Police started shouting at me (“You ate so bad! You need to make up for it!”).

What Do You Want?
In addition to asking folks how they would describe their relationship with food, I also like to ask what type of relationship they would like to have.

Easy, guilt-free, peaceful, positive, pleasurable and neutral are just a few of the words that come to mind.

"I just want food to be food" is a common refrain.

When you reflect on this question, what comes up for you? 

And what’s standing in between where you are now and where you would like to be?