I'll Have a Donut. But Just This Once.

 Do any of these thoughts sound familiar?

• I'm going to let myself have a donut, but just this one time.

• These fries are so yummy, but I should have ordered a side salad instead.

• I need to eat good tomorrow to make up for all these cookies I shouldn’t be eating.

• Once I’m done with this bag of chips, I’m not going to buy them again.

• I can have pizza for dinner, but need to get back on track this next week.

• I’m gonna be bad and eat some cake; it is a special occasion after all!

These are all examples of mental restriction.

Although you may believe you aren’t restricting your eating, if you have thoughts like these, you are.

Threat of Deprivation
Even if you are allowing yourself to physically eat a food (e.g., I'm going to have a donut), if you’re denying yourself on a psychological level (e.g., I shouldn’t be eating this donut), you are restricting.

While a part of you is saying, “Yes, I'm going to eat this,” another part of you is saying, “No, I shouldn’t eat it” or “I won’t eat it again.” 

Mental restriction creates a threat of future deprivation that often leads to eating past comfortable fullness, sometimes in a way that feels out of control or binge-like.

This is not due to a lack of willpower, discipline or self-control. It’s a natural human response to potential food scarcity.

Unfortunately, this very normal and understandable response can make you feel bad, guilty and ashamed—and trigger a desire to diet and cut out certain foods as a way to gain control of your eating.

Dieting, with all its food rules, will only exacerbate your restrictive mindset (a.k.a. the diet mentality), ultimately creating a more fraught, roller-coaster relationship with food.

If you long for food peace, it’s essential to let go of all forms of restriction.

Intuitive Eating can help you identify and challenge your restrictive thoughts, which can be subtle and sneaky, so you can truly give yourself unconditional permission to eat in a way that both tastes and feels satisfying. You deserve nothing but.


Of course, it’s important to note that some foods may need to be avoided due to certain medical conditions, such as a peanut allergy or celiac disease.

This Always Surprises My Clients. Who Forgets About Brownies?

My clients are often surprised—if not shocked—to discover they have forgotten about a food that once felt like it had so much power over them.

Their experiences sound something like this:

• I can’t believe I forgot about the cookies in my cupboard! That’s never happened before.
   

• My favorite chips actually went stale before I finished them. Typically, I'd fixate on them and eat the entire bag right away.
   

• The chocolate in my pantry no longer calls for me all day long. I rarely think about it!
   

• Shockingly, I found a pint of ice cream in my freezer that I totally forgot about!
   

• I can’t believe the bread went moldy. It’s never lasted long enough to do that before.
   

• I was so surprised to find a half-eaten candy bar in my bag that I bought a few weeks ago. 

This doesn’t happen because my clients are just really forgetful people.

It happens because they started giving themselves unconditional permission to eat.

Food Loses Its Power
Feeling obsessed with or controlled by food is not a sign of weakness or a lack of willpower and self-discipline. It’s a natural outcome of dieting and deprivation.

When you give yourself unconditional permission to eat what you want when you want, food—especially your forbidden foods—loses its power.

The more you eat a forbidden food and trust that you can have it when you want it (assuming you have access to it and no dietary restrictions*), the more its allure and charge wears off.

The food becomes neutral. It’s no longer a big deal.

You enjoy it when you want it and forget about it when you don’t.

Mel's Brownie Story
Here's how my client Mel describes her experience...

“In the past, if my partner made a pan of brownies, I wouldn't have been able to concentrate on work knowing they were on the counter. In fact, I'd sneak into the kitchen multiple times a day to shave a little off the row hoping no one would notice. 

Now that I'm letting myself eat sweets whenever I want them and without telling myself I'm being bad or that I have to make up for it by going on a diet or working out more, I don't even think about the brownies until I'm ready to enjoy them with my family. Sometimes, I even forget we have them!

The experience is so much more satisfying because I no longer feel obsessed, powerless and out of control."

Won’t Work for Me
It’s completely understandable if you have doubts that this could ever be true for you, especially if you have a long history of dieting and a long list of forbidden foods, food rules and food fears.

My new clients look at me in disbelief when I share stories like these. They can’t imagine it for themselves.

Inevitably, as they make peace with food and trust nothing is off-limits, they are pleasantly surprised that they, too, no longer feel obsessed with, distracted by or controlled by food.

My clients don’t have any magical powers.

What they do have is a deep desire to have a more liberating, satisfying and peaceful relationship with food accompanied by a steadfast commitment to doing the often hard, messy work needed to attain it.

*Of course, a food may need to be off-limits due to a medical condition, such as a peanut allergy or celiac disease. Some people find that if this is the case, they have little to no desire to consume the food due to the potential negative health consequences. However, this isn’t always easy and if it’s something you struggle with, I recommend seeking support from an Intuitive Eating-informed counselor, therapist, registered dietitian or nutritionist.

WTH, I'm on Vacation! Pass the Brie, Please.

What’s your experience with vacation eating?

From armfuls of crusty baguettes loaded with brie in France to mountains of sweet cannoli in Italy to endless bowls of guacamole and chips in Mexico, I can recall many trips taken years ago when my food decisions were driven by a “WTH, I’m on vacation!” mindset.

In my head, my reasoning sounded something like “I rarely let myself eat food like this but since I’m on vacation, I’m going to give myself permission to indulge. And, you better believe I’m going to go for it because once I’m back home, these foods will be off-limits again.”

I’d inevitably return from vacation feeling uncomfortable in my body and anxious to make up for the “damage” I had done.

My so-called free pass to indulge wasn’t truly free as I believed I had to compensate for my actions. This is, after all, what diet culture teaches us.

Think about it: How many times have you or someone you’re vacationing with said something along the lines of “I’m really going to have to make up for all this eating when I get home!” or “My diet starts the day I return!” or “I’m cutting carbs the moment I land!”?

Food Lost Its Power
Once I started giving myself unconditional permission to eat whatever I wanted whenever I wanted, I naturally stopped approaching my vacation eating what a WTH mentality. 

Since I ditched all my food rules, I no longer have anything to rebel against or feel guilty about. 

As nothing is forbidden anymore, food has lost its high reward value, intensity and power over me. It’s no longer an obsession, indulgence or something I’m only allowed to have in certain situations, like while on vacation.

No Need to Go for It
Of course, I still get excited to try the local specialties and take tremendous pleasure in doing so. It’s one of my favorite parts of traveling. 

But because there’s no threat of future deprivation—that is, a post-vacation diet, detox, cleanse, fast, reset, reboot, clean eating mandate, etc.—I don’t feel the need to “go for it,” which is a natural human response when restriction is looming around the corner. 

This doesn’t mean I don’t sometimes eat past comfortable fullness. I absolutely do, especially when something is really delicious and truly unavailable back home. I shared before how this is a normal reaction to scarcity.

The difference now is that when I feel overly full, it’s no big deal. I just move on rather than ruminate on what I once believed was a lack of self-control and a transgression I needed to punish myself for. 

And because I’m no longer preoccupied with my eating, I’m able to be so much more present during my travels, which makes for a much more enjoyable experience for everyone involved.

Whether you’re about to embark on a vacation or just going about your daily life, I encourage you to remember that, despite what diet culture wants you to believe, you do not need special permission to eat what you want, you do not have to feel guilty about your choices, and you do not ever have to make up for your eating.