How I Quit My Cookie Binges. It Didn't Require Willpower.

Many years ago, when I worked in the corporate world, I had a weekend cookie ritual.

Every Friday morning, after getting off the train downtown, I would stop at my favorite cookie shop and pick out a bunch of cookies before going to my office.

The cookies were large, dense and utterly delicious. You could smell them baking from blocks away. The peanut-butter chocolate chip and wheat-germ chocolate chip cookies especially made my mouth water.

I liked to arrive at the bakery early so I could save money by purchasing the half-priced day-old cookies before they were sold out (these cookies weren’t cheap!). Sometimes I’d hit more than one location if the first shop I stopped at didn’t have enough cookies to meet my needs.

Before heading to work, I'd quickly hide the big, butter-stained bakery bag inside a darker bag as I feared my co-workers seeing me with such a “bad” food and potentially tarnishing my “healthy eater” reputation. 

I also worried my co-workers would smell the cookies in my office, so I’d bury the bag under my coat. 

Although secretly obtaining these cookies every Friday was a bit stressful, not getting them felt far more stressful. 

Weekends Nights Only
Late each weekend night, I would stuff myself with the cookies, first while sitting in front of my TV and then while standing in my dark kitchen before going to bed.

I was determined to eat them all before the weekend ended, before my time was up.

You see, I had a rule that I could only eat cookies on weekend nights. They were my reward for eating “clean” during the week.

However, because I was restricting my eating throughout the week, including depriving myself of sweets (you know, being “good”), I had a scarcity mindset that drove me to binge on the cookies when I allowed myself to have them. 

What was supposed to be a yummy treat wasn’t so satisfying in the end. I went to bed uncomfortably full and full of guilt and shame. 

The physical discomfort and emotional distress my cookie binges caused convinced me all the more that I couldn’t be trusted with certain foods, that I had to get back on track on Monday, and that I needed a "no cookies ever" food rule.

Once again, I would be “good” during the week—and once again, I'd inevitably head to the bakery at the end of the week. I was obsessed with those cookies and stuck in a vicious restrict-binge cycle. 

Not About Willpower
While I sometimes binged on other forbidden foods, my weekend cookie binges bothered me the most. 

I tried to explain my anguish to my boyfriend who just laughed as he didn’t understand why I, the healthiest eater he knew, was so devastated by my behavior. 

To be fair, I hid a lot of the cookies and my cookie-eating from him, so he didn’t really have a full grasp of the situation. Plus, he had never dieted a day in his life, so he had no idea what it felt like to “fail” at eating.

What I didn’t understand at the time was that my cookie binges did not make me a failure and were not due to a lack of willpower, despite what diet culture had taught me to believe. 

My behavior was a natural human response to food deprivation. 

With the threat of scarcity just around the corner—that is, no more cookies come Monday—my very protective brain told me to eat all the cookies now before they were gone, even if I didn’t really want them or was uncomfortably full.

Plus, I feared if I didn’t eat them all on the weekend, I would be tempted to eat the leftovers on Monday. Doing so would ruin my good-eating plan and mean I wouldn't deserve to be rewarded with more cookies come Friday.

An Unimaginable Solution
At the time, I thought I needed to stop buying and eating cookies. I never imagined the solution was to freely eat cookies.

When I finally hit rock bottom with my disordered eating, I started challenging my food rules and giving myself unconditional permission to eat. 

This included eating cookies whenever I wanted, even on a Wednesday and even for breakfast. Loosening the reins was scary, but to my great surprise, my cookie binges eventually stopped.

Over time, I went from rigidly controlling my cookie consumption and then feeling shamefully out of control with them to freely eating cookies at any time and feeling neutral about it.

Now, I pretty much always have cookies on hand along with many other foods I had once made off-limits.

All these years later, I’m still sometimes astounded by how these foods are no longer a big deal.

The sense of ease and peace I now feel with food is something I wish for you, too.

After Dinner, I Wanted More Food. I Wasn't Hungry.

Has this ever happened to you?

Immediately after finishing dinner the other night, I started rummaging through my cupboards looking for something else to eat.

I wasn’t hungry. I was unsatisfied.

I didn’t completely dislike what I ate for dinner. It just didn’t hit the spot. 

My ho-hum meal left me wanting more. It left me wanting pleasure.

Feeling pleasure-deprived, I kept trying different foods until I found something that truly satisfied me. Once I did, my eating experience felt complete and I was able to move on with my evening.

Wired for Pleasure
As humans, we’re wired for pleasure. When our meals lack pleasure, it’s a natural human response to seek out food that meets our fundamental need for it.

There are many reasons why a meal may be pleasure deficient.

It could be because the recipe you made didn’t turn out quite right, or you’re stuck in a food rut, or bored with your leftovers. 

Maybe the entrée you ordered at the restaurant didn’t live up to your expectations or wasn’t what you really wanted because you were trying to make the “right” choice. Or perhaps the takeout food you had delivered arrived irreparably tough or soggy.

Or maybe you were dieting, which is rarely pleasurable.

If you’ve ever followed a plan that restricted what you were allowed to eat, that didn’t let you have what you really wanted, that didn’t satisfy your hunger or taste buds, you may have frequently found yourself after finishing a lackluster meal digging through your fridge or cabinets looking for something more to eat.

You may even have found yourself feeling a bit binge-y after your meal.

Despite what diet culture wants you to believe, this is not due to a lack of control, willpower or self-discipline. It’s due to being human. 

You’re simply trying to take care of your unmet need for pleasure.

Satisfaction-Based Eating
If you have a history of dieting, most of your eating decisions have likely been driven by questions such as “What am I allowed to have?” or “What have I earned the right to eat?” or “What should I eat?”

When working with my clients on shifting from restrictive, rules-based eating to unconditional, attuned eating, their food decisions start to be guided by satisfaction- and pleasure-based questions, such as:

• What sounds satisfying? What will hit the spot?

• How can I make my meal pleasurable?

• What will taste and feel the most satisfying?

• What will satisfy my hunger level, my appetite, my desires?

It may be hard to answer these questions in the beginning as dieting can cause you to lose touch with what you actually like to eat.

Radically Change Your Relationship
Approaching eating decisions through the lens of pleasure and satisfaction versus rules and restriction can radically change your relationship with food, and frankly, your overall quality of life.

Of course, not every meal is going to be a five-star experience. For most of us, life doesn’t work that way. 

Sometimes food is just fuel to get you through your day. Sometimes whatever you have on hand is good enough. 

Sometimes you may have barriers that prevent you from having what you really want, like budget, time, energy or access limitations.

However, if your eating experiences are often unsatisfying due to all the diet and wellness culture rules you’re following, I encourage you to experiment with making choices based on what you’re desiring instead of what you’re denying yourself.

Understandably, doing so might feel pretty scary, especially as diet culture conditions us to mistrust our bodies, our instincts and our desires. 

Most of us worry we’ll lose control if we allow ourselves to eat what we actually want. We’re afraid we’ll never stop eating and completely go to pot. 

The opposite tends to be true, however. My clients are often surprised to discover their eating feels much more balanced, nourishing and fulfilling when they make choices based on pleasure and satisfaction instead of restriction and deprivation.

As the journey toward a more pleasurable, satisfying relationship with food is often full of many challenging twists and turns, it can be quite helpful to get support from an Intuitive Eating community, therapist, counselor or coach. I’m here for you if you need me. 

Wow! You're Eating Again? How to Fire the Food Police.

Do you ever feel like you’re being patrolled by the Food Police, whether it’s a family member, partner, friend, co-worker or even a stranger?

Food policing sounds something like:

• Should you really be eating that?

• Wow! You're eating again?

• Are you sure you need another serving?

• You sure can put it away!

• I can't believe you're eating that!

• Don’t you know how bad that is for you?

• Dang! You must really be hungry! 

• Once on your lips, forever on your hips. 

• ​​​​​​​Are you really going to eat all that?

• Looks like you'll need to hit the gym tomorrow.

• Someone's being naughty!

If you’ve ever been the victim of food policing, you know it’s never helpful. More often than not, it leaves you feeling humiliated, guilty, ashamed, angry, resentful or rebellious—or all of the above!

Regardless of the food cop’s intentions, you have the right to eat whatever you want—whenever, wherever and however you want it—without having your choices criticized, judged, ridiculed or questioned.

Fire the Food Police 
When the Food Police show up, you may feel compelled to say something to them, perhaps set a boundary or reinforce one.

Of course, how you respond will understandably depend on the situation. 

Many factors may dictate what you do or don’t say, such as the person commenting, how safe or comfortable you feel, how important it is to you, your mood, your energy level, or the environment you’re in.

If you do choose to respond, either in the moment or via a private conversation, text or email later, here are some replies to consider:

• I know you mean well, but your comments aren’t helpful.

• What I eat is none of your business.

• I trust my body to tell me what it needs.

• I trust myself to give my body what it needs.

• Please don’t say negative things about my eating.

• Yes, I’m going to eat it, and I won’t stand for being shamed for it.

• Who hired you to police my eating? Please don't do it again.

• You mind your own plate and I'll mind mine.

• Your negative comments aren’t welcome here, now or ever.

• You’re out of line. It’s absolutely not okay to criticize my food choices.

• If you keep slamming my food choices, I won't eat with you anymore.

• Say nothing, look at them strangely, then walk away to enjoy your food in peace.

Despite what our diet culture, including the Food Police, wants you to believe, you can be trusted to make your own food decisions. And, you never need to justify, defend, explain or apologize for your choices.