I'll Have a Donut. But Just This Once.

 Do any of these thoughts sound familiar?

• I'm going to let myself have a donut, but just this one time.

• These fries are so yummy, but I should have ordered a side salad instead.

• I need to eat good tomorrow to make up for all these cookies I shouldn’t be eating.

• Once I’m done with this bag of chips, I’m not going to buy them again.

• I can have pizza for dinner, but need to get back on track this next week.

• I’m gonna be bad and eat some cake; it is a special occasion after all!

These are all examples of mental restriction.

Although you may believe you aren’t restricting your eating, if you have thoughts like these, you are.

Threat of Deprivation
Even if you are allowing yourself to physically eat a food (e.g., I'm going to have a donut), if you’re denying yourself on a psychological level (e.g., I shouldn’t be eating this donut), you are restricting.

While a part of you is saying, “Yes, I'm going to eat this,” another part of you is saying, “No, I shouldn’t eat it” or “I won’t eat it again.” 

Mental restriction creates a threat of future deprivation that often leads to eating past comfortable fullness, sometimes in a way that feels out of control or binge-like.

This is not due to a lack of willpower, discipline or self-control. It’s a natural human response to potential food scarcity.

Unfortunately, this very normal and understandable response can make you feel bad, guilty and ashamed—and trigger a desire to diet and cut out certain foods as a way to gain control of your eating.

Dieting, with all its food rules, will only exacerbate your restrictive mindset (a.k.a. the diet mentality), ultimately creating a more fraught, roller-coaster relationship with food.

If you long for food peace, it’s essential to let go of all forms of restriction.

Intuitive Eating can help you identify and challenge your restrictive thoughts, which can be subtle and sneaky, so you can truly give yourself unconditional permission to eat in a way that both tastes and feels satisfying. You deserve nothing but.


Of course, it’s important to note that some foods may need to be avoided due to certain medical conditions, such as a peanut allergy or celiac disease.

It's OK to Eat Ice Cream in Bed. And Hate Exercise.

I find it so helpful to remember that, despite what diet and wellness cultures want you to believe, it’s completely okay to…

Eat when you’re sad, stressed, lonely or bored

Crave something sweet after a meal

Get seconds

Dislike cooking

Eat while watching TV

Enjoy bread

Use food to help you focus

Eat cheese and crackers for dinner

Hate exercising

Clean your plate

Eat chips straight from the bag

Snack late at night

Buy processed foods

Eat freely on days you don’t work out

Go for dessert first

Turn to food for comfort

Eat ice cream in bed

Unnecessary Suffering
Like most of us, diet and wellness cultures have likely made you believe you’re being bad, unhealthy or undisciplined if you don’t adhere to their constantly changing and often contradictory food and exercise rules.

As a result, you may experience a lot of anxiety, guilt or shame when you don’t do the “right” thing. I certainly used to! 

My food and exercise “sins” would often keep me awake at night as I fretted over how I messed up and how I would make up for it the next day. 

A big part of Intuitive Eating is about identifying and challenging all the unhelpful rules and beliefs that cause you so much unnecessary suffering and prevent you from having a flexible, satisfying, positive and peaceful relationship with food and movement. 

I encourage you to pause and reflect on what some of your rules are. Most of us have a pretty long list!

It’s such a relief when you fully believe you’re not doing anything wrong, a bad person or morally inferior if you snack when you’re stressed, skip your workout or eat ice cream in bed. 

I Tried to Eat Perfectly. Diet Culture Demanded It.

Recently, I shared how I used to be a chronic overeater and that I still sometimes eat until I’m uncomfortably full.

Thankfully, this doesn’t bother me much anymore as I’ve stopped trying to be a perfect eater. 

Things were much different when I was dieting. 

No Wiggle Room
I was devastated whenever I felt I messed up with my eating. There wasn’t any wiggle room or gray area. I was either eating right or I was eating wrong.

Diet culture, with its black-and-white, all-or-nothing approach, teaches us that to be successful, we must follow its rules and binaries perfectly. Wellness culture often does this, too.

Food is either good or bad, healthy or unhealthy, clean or toxic, fattening or slimming. 

You’re either on the wagon or off it. If you fall off, it’s your fault. 

Rather than blaming diet and wellness cultures’ unrealistic and unsustainable standards, you are blamed for not having enough willpower, discipline and self-control.

I certainly bought into all of this.

Thrived on Perfection
As someone with perfectionistic tendencies, I was especially susceptible to the gold-star behaviors diet and wellness cultures demand.  

I thrived on following the rules, doing it right, being good, earning a perfect score. 

I relished the sense of achievement I felt at bedtime when I thought I had eaten perfectly all day. 

I patted myself on the back for staying on track by eating the right food in the right amount at the right time. 

Naturally, I also loathed the sense of failure I felt when I believed I had eaten imperfectly. 

A “bad” choice would completely derail my day. My mood would turn dark, and I’d become preoccupied with how I would make up for it, which usually meant eating less and exercising more.

I took a lot of pride in being a good eater, a healthy eater, a disciplined eater—all traits our society puts on a pedestal. 

I thought eating perfectly made me a better person (another lie I regrettably believed).

In reality, it just made me miserable and intolerable to myself and those closest to me. 

While outsiders praised my eating, my loved ones had to deal with all the tiresome crap that came along with my rigid food rules and relentless pursuit to eat perfectly.

Permission to Be Human
In order to heal my disordered relationship with food, I needed to learn how to stop viewing it through the perfectionistic, black-and-white, good-or-bad lens I had been taught.

I also needed to relearn how to trust myself, my body’s internal cues and my instincts instead of following external sources and rules regarding the “right” way to eat.

When I threw away all the “eat this, not that” lists and started making eating decisions based on what tastes good and feels good in my body, I became a much more flexible, relaxed and peaceful eater.

Instead of striving to be perfect, I gave myself permission to be human, one who most of the time eats until they’re comfortably full and sometimes eats until they’re stuffed.

The Deeper Work
More than anything, I had to do the deeper work of understanding what drove my desire to achieve the perfect diet and the perfect body. 

To truly change, I had to examine the roots of my perfectionism and anti-fat bias, challenge our culture’s body ideals, and question what being healthy truly means.

None of this happened easily or quickly nor have I reached a final destination (I'm not sure there is one). It's an ongoing process but one that's so worth it.