I'll Have a Donut. But Just This Once.

 Do any of these thoughts sound familiar?

• I'm going to let myself have a donut, but just this one time.

• These fries are so yummy, but I should have ordered a side salad instead.

• I need to eat good tomorrow to make up for all these cookies I shouldn’t be eating.

• Once I’m done with this bag of chips, I’m not going to buy them again.

• I can have pizza for dinner, but need to get back on track this next week.

• I’m gonna be bad and eat some cake; it is a special occasion after all!

These are all examples of mental restriction.

Although you may believe you aren’t restricting your eating, if you have thoughts like these, you are.

Threat of Deprivation
Even if you are allowing yourself to physically eat a food (e.g., I'm going to have a donut), if you’re denying yourself on a psychological level (e.g., I shouldn’t be eating this donut), you are restricting.

While a part of you is saying, “Yes, I'm going to eat this,” another part of you is saying, “No, I shouldn’t eat it” or “I won’t eat it again.” 

Mental restriction creates a threat of future deprivation that often leads to eating past comfortable fullness, sometimes in a way that feels out of control or binge-like.

This is not due to a lack of willpower, discipline or self-control. It’s a natural human response to potential food scarcity.

Unfortunately, this very normal and understandable response can make you feel bad, guilty and ashamed—and trigger a desire to diet and cut out certain foods as a way to gain control of your eating.

Dieting, with all its food rules, will only exacerbate your restrictive mindset (a.k.a. the diet mentality), ultimately creating a more fraught, roller-coaster relationship with food.

If you long for food peace, it’s essential to let go of all forms of restriction.

Intuitive Eating can help you identify and challenge your restrictive thoughts, which can be subtle and sneaky, so you can truly give yourself unconditional permission to eat in a way that both tastes and feels satisfying. You deserve nothing but.


Of course, it’s important to note that some foods may need to be avoided due to certain medical conditions, such as a peanut allergy or celiac disease.

This Always Surprises My Clients. Who Forgets About Brownies?

My clients are often surprised—if not shocked—to discover they have forgotten about a food that once felt like it had so much power over them.

Their experiences sound something like this:

• I can’t believe I forgot about the cookies in my cupboard! That’s never happened before.
   

• My favorite chips actually went stale before I finished them. Typically, I'd fixate on them and eat the entire bag right away.
   

• The chocolate in my pantry no longer calls for me all day long. I rarely think about it!
   

• Shockingly, I found a pint of ice cream in my freezer that I totally forgot about!
   

• I can’t believe the bread went moldy. It’s never lasted long enough to do that before.
   

• I was so surprised to find a half-eaten candy bar in my bag that I bought a few weeks ago. 

This doesn’t happen because my clients are just really forgetful people.

It happens because they started giving themselves unconditional permission to eat.

Food Loses Its Power
Feeling obsessed with or controlled by food is not a sign of weakness or a lack of willpower and self-discipline. It’s a natural outcome of dieting and deprivation.

When you give yourself unconditional permission to eat what you want when you want, food—especially your forbidden foods—loses its power.

The more you eat a forbidden food and trust that you can have it when you want it (assuming you have access to it and no dietary restrictions*), the more its allure and charge wears off.

The food becomes neutral. It’s no longer a big deal.

You enjoy it when you want it and forget about it when you don’t.

Mel's Brownie Story
Here's how my client Mel describes her experience...

“In the past, if my partner made a pan of brownies, I wouldn't have been able to concentrate on work knowing they were on the counter. In fact, I'd sneak into the kitchen multiple times a day to shave a little off the row hoping no one would notice. 

Now that I'm letting myself eat sweets whenever I want them and without telling myself I'm being bad or that I have to make up for it by going on a diet or working out more, I don't even think about the brownies until I'm ready to enjoy them with my family. Sometimes, I even forget we have them!

The experience is so much more satisfying because I no longer feel obsessed, powerless and out of control."

Won’t Work for Me
It’s completely understandable if you have doubts that this could ever be true for you, especially if you have a long history of dieting and a long list of forbidden foods, food rules and food fears.

My new clients look at me in disbelief when I share stories like these. They can’t imagine it for themselves.

Inevitably, as they make peace with food and trust nothing is off-limits, they are pleasantly surprised that they, too, no longer feel obsessed with, distracted by or controlled by food.

My clients don’t have any magical powers.

What they do have is a deep desire to have a more liberating, satisfying and peaceful relationship with food accompanied by a steadfast commitment to doing the often hard, messy work needed to attain it.

*Of course, a food may need to be off-limits due to a medical condition, such as a peanut allergy or celiac disease. Some people find that if this is the case, they have little to no desire to consume the food due to the potential negative health consequences. However, this isn’t always easy and if it’s something you struggle with, I recommend seeking support from an Intuitive Eating-informed counselor, therapist, registered dietitian or nutritionist.

Food Freedom: Clients Share What It Means to Them

A big part of my work is helping people escape diet culture with all its punitive rules and restrictions and instead enjoy an ongoing sense of freedom with food.

Over the years, I’ve talked a lot about what food freedom means to me. 

For today’s newsletter, I'm excited to have some of my clients share what food freedom means to them. I find their responses to be incredibly inspiring. Perhaps, you will, too.

Clients Share What Food Freedom Means
“To me, food freedom means I only eat foods I actually enjoy. In the past, I would force myself to eat foods from my limited list of approved foods even if it wasn’t what I was craving. Now I’m able to make food choices based both on what I want taste- and texture-wise and what would make me feel my best in my body.” –Heather

“Food freedom means forgetting what I ate earlier and not stressing about what I will eat later.” –Adriana

“Food freedom means I am released from the diet culture judgment I used to impose on every food decision. That could mean choosing a crisp, crunchy salad if that sounds good to my body and not because I’m trying to be ‘healthy.’ It also means buying Oreos or chocolate at the store if a sweet treat sounds good.” –Emily

“Without food rules holding me back, I feel calm, peaceful and just happy enjoying messy meals as a family with our active toddler. I love cooking with my daughter and watching her explore the different dishes we've created, trying new textures and foods as we go.” –Ellen

“Food freedom means having multiple jars of nut butter in the house at once and knowing I won't (and don't need to!) binge on them. A close second is being able to eat at restaurants and not plan out what I will eat in advance or starve myself beforehand.” –Meredith

“It means the freedom to choose without guilt how I want to nourish myself. It means I give myself unconditional permission to eat whatever/whenever, so there is no sense of scarcity or repression that would cause me to want to rebel against myself.” –S.Y. 

“Food freedom means having time to do a million more fun and important things than recording, tracking and worrying about what I eat. It means trust in myself to know when I'm hungry, when I've had enough, what I feel like eating, what is best for me and that I'll be OK even on bad body image days.” –Katja

“Food freedom is eating exactly what I want, enjoying it without anxiety or guilt, and not giving what I ate any thought when finished. I simply move on with my day.” –Janelle

What Does It Mean to You?
If food freedom is something you desire, I encourage you to take a moment to reflect on the following questions.

What does food freedom mean to you? How would it look and feel? 

How would your life change if you escaped diet culture and gave yourself unconditional permission to eat freely?

If you have barriers, such as dietary restrictions due to a health condition, how can you imagine still feeling some sense of food freedom?

What small step can take this week to bring you closer to food freedom?

May you always remember that everyone deserves to eat with a sense of peace, ease and freedom—including you.