It's OK to Eat Ice Cream in Bed. And Hate Exercise.

I find it so helpful to remember that, despite what diet and wellness cultures want you to believe, it’s completely okay to…

Eat when you’re sad, stressed, lonely or bored

Crave something sweet after a meal

Get seconds

Dislike cooking

Eat while watching TV

Enjoy bread

Use food to help you focus

Eat cheese and crackers for dinner

Hate exercising

Clean your plate

Eat chips straight from the bag

Snack late at night

Buy processed foods

Eat freely on days you don’t work out

Go for dessert first

Turn to food for comfort

Eat ice cream in bed

Unnecessary Suffering
Like most of us, diet and wellness cultures have likely made you believe you’re being bad, unhealthy or undisciplined if you don’t adhere to their constantly changing and often contradictory food and exercise rules.

As a result, you may experience a lot of anxiety, guilt or shame when you don’t do the “right” thing. I certainly used to! 

My food and exercise “sins” would often keep me awake at night as I fretted over how I messed up and how I would make up for it the next day. 

A big part of Intuitive Eating is about identifying and challenging all the unhelpful rules and beliefs that cause you so much unnecessary suffering and prevent you from having a flexible, satisfying, positive and peaceful relationship with food and movement. 

I encourage you to pause and reflect on what some of your rules are. Most of us have a pretty long list!

It’s such a relief when you fully believe you’re not doing anything wrong, a bad person or morally inferior if you snack when you’re stressed, skip your workout or eat ice cream in bed. 

I Tried to Eat Perfectly. Diet Culture Demanded It.

Recently, I shared how I used to be a chronic overeater and that I still sometimes eat until I’m uncomfortably full.

Thankfully, this doesn’t bother me much anymore as I’ve stopped trying to be a perfect eater. 

Things were much different when I was dieting. 

No Wiggle Room
I was devastated whenever I felt I messed up with my eating. There wasn’t any wiggle room or gray area. I was either eating right or I was eating wrong.

Diet culture, with its black-and-white, all-or-nothing approach, teaches us that to be successful, we must follow its rules and binaries perfectly. Wellness culture often does this, too.

Food is either good or bad, healthy or unhealthy, clean or toxic, fattening or slimming. 

You’re either on the wagon or off it. If you fall off, it’s your fault. 

Rather than blaming diet and wellness cultures’ unrealistic and unsustainable standards, you are blamed for not having enough willpower, discipline and self-control.

I certainly bought into all of this.

Thrived on Perfection
As someone with perfectionistic tendencies, I was especially susceptible to the gold-star behaviors diet and wellness cultures demand.  

I thrived on following the rules, doing it right, being good, earning a perfect score. 

I relished the sense of achievement I felt at bedtime when I thought I had eaten perfectly all day. 

I patted myself on the back for staying on track by eating the right food in the right amount at the right time. 

Naturally, I also loathed the sense of failure I felt when I believed I had eaten imperfectly. 

A “bad” choice would completely derail my day. My mood would turn dark, and I’d become preoccupied with how I would make up for it, which usually meant eating less and exercising more.

I took a lot of pride in being a good eater, a healthy eater, a disciplined eater—all traits our society puts on a pedestal. 

I thought eating perfectly made me a better person (another lie I regrettably believed).

In reality, it just made me miserable and intolerable to myself and those closest to me. 

While outsiders praised my eating, my loved ones had to deal with all the tiresome crap that came along with my rigid food rules and relentless pursuit to eat perfectly.

Permission to Be Human
In order to heal my disordered relationship with food, I needed to learn how to stop viewing it through the perfectionistic, black-and-white, good-or-bad lens I had been taught.

I also needed to relearn how to trust myself, my body’s internal cues and my instincts instead of following external sources and rules regarding the “right” way to eat.

When I threw away all the “eat this, not that” lists and started making eating decisions based on what tastes good and feels good in my body, I became a much more flexible, relaxed and peaceful eater.

Instead of striving to be perfect, I gave myself permission to be human, one who most of the time eats until they’re comfortably full and sometimes eats until they’re stuffed.

The Deeper Work
More than anything, I had to do the deeper work of understanding what drove my desire to achieve the perfect diet and the perfect body. 

To truly change, I had to examine the roots of my perfectionism and anti-fat bias, challenge our culture’s body ideals, and question what being healthy truly means.

None of this happened easily or quickly nor have I reached a final destination (I'm not sure there is one). It's an ongoing process but one that's so worth it.

That Wasn't Worth the Calories. Sound Familiar?

Did you know the first principle of Intuitive Eating is “Reject the Diet Mentality”?

This step is critical because having a dieter’s mindset disconnects you from your body's wisdom, including your own internal cues that tell you when, what and how much to eat.

When you operate with a diet mentality, you eat according to external factors (e.g., food rules, good/bad foods, macros, calories, points, time restrictions, etc.) rather than honoring your body’s needs, desires and preferences.

Approaching food with a diet mentality can make eating a fraught, unsatisfying experience and lead to a disordered relationship with food.

Ultimately, having a diet mentality erodes your ability to trust yourself, your body and your instincts, and negatively impacts your physical and psychological wellbeing.

Diet vs. Non-Diet Mentality
Even if you aren’t on an official diet or have never dieted, you likely still have a diet mentality due to our pervasive, insidious diet culture.

Diet Mentality
The diet mentality is the voice in your head that sounds like this:

• I want it, but I shouldn’t have it.

• I don’t deserve to eat it.

• Will this make me gain weight?

• What am I allowed to eat?

• I feel guilty about eating this food.

• I’ll have to make up for eating this.

• I can’t be trusted with certain foods.

• No one can see me eat this.

• I had a big lunch so I should skip dinner.

• I’m hungry but I shouldn’t eat anything.

• I ate so good/clean today.

• I’ve earned the right to eat this. 

• That wasn’t worth the calories.

• Tomorrow, I’m getting back on track! 

Do any of these statements sound familiar? 

The diet mentality is so normalized in our culture that many people aren’t even aware of the role it plays in their lives and how harmful its presence can be.

Where do you stand with the diet mentality? How strong is yours? How does it impact your eating and relationship with food?

Non-Diet Mentality
In contrast, the non-diet mentality—that is, the Intuitive Eater voice—sounds like this:

• I can have it. Do I want it?

• How hungry am I?

• What am I in the mood for?

• Will this food satisfy and sustain me?

• Is this tasty? Does it hit the spot?

• How does this food feel in my body?

• I trust my body to tell me what it needs.

• I honor my hunger and cravings to the best of my ability.

• It’s totally okay to eat when I’m not hungry.

• I love how much pleasure food gives me.

• There’s no reason to feel guilty or ashamed about my eating.

• Food can be such a great source of comfort.

• I’m feeling full. I can have more later if I want.

Do any of these statements sound like you? How present is your Intuitive Eater voice compared to your diet mentality voice?

This Feels Scary!
Rejecting the diet mentality can feel pretty scary, especially if you’ve been trapped in this mindset for a long time. You may fear that if you let it go, you’ll lose control, eat “badly,” never stop eating, and completely go to pot. 

Your fears are totally understandable. 

In time, however, they will start to fade as you realize that it's the diet mentality—the rules, restriction, deprivation, good/bad foods, moralism—that prevents you from having a peaceful, pleasurable and intuitive relationship with food.

Your fears will further subside as your Intuitive Eating voice becomes stronger than your diet mentality. 

By reconnecting with your innate sense, internal cues and individual experiences—your instincts, desires, hunger, fullness, satisfaction, preferences—you’ll rediscover that you and your body can be trusted to guide your eating.