I'll Have a Donut. But Just This Once.

 Do any of these thoughts sound familiar?

• I'm going to let myself have a donut, but just this one time.

• These fries are so yummy, but I should have ordered a side salad instead.

• I need to eat good tomorrow to make up for all these cookies I shouldn’t be eating.

• Once I’m done with this bag of chips, I’m not going to buy them again.

• I can have pizza for dinner, but need to get back on track this next week.

• I’m gonna be bad and eat some cake; it is a special occasion after all!

These are all examples of mental restriction.

Although you may believe you aren’t restricting your eating, if you have thoughts like these, you are.

Threat of Deprivation
Even if you are allowing yourself to physically eat a food (e.g., I'm going to have a donut), if you’re denying yourself on a psychological level (e.g., I shouldn’t be eating this donut), you are restricting.

While a part of you is saying, “Yes, I'm going to eat this,” another part of you is saying, “No, I shouldn’t eat it” or “I won’t eat it again.” 

Mental restriction creates a threat of future deprivation that often leads to eating past comfortable fullness, sometimes in a way that feels out of control or binge-like.

This is not due to a lack of willpower, discipline or self-control. It’s a natural human response to potential food scarcity.

Unfortunately, this very normal and understandable response can make you feel bad, guilty and ashamed—and trigger a desire to diet and cut out certain foods as a way to gain control of your eating.

Dieting, with all its food rules, will only exacerbate your restrictive mindset (a.k.a. the diet mentality), ultimately creating a more fraught, roller-coaster relationship with food.

If you long for food peace, it’s essential to let go of all forms of restriction.

Intuitive Eating can help you identify and challenge your restrictive thoughts, which can be subtle and sneaky, so you can truly give yourself unconditional permission to eat in a way that both tastes and feels satisfying. You deserve nothing but.


Of course, it’s important to note that some foods may need to be avoided due to certain medical conditions, such as a peanut allergy or celiac disease.

My Eyes Were Glued to the Candy. Food Controlled Me.

When I worked in consumer marketing years ago, we conducted in-person focus groups to get people’s feedback on things like product names, logos, packaging, magazine ads and TV commercials.

The groups were held at a few different research facilities around the Bay Area. As a facilitator led a group, I sat with my teammates in a dimly lit client lounge and observed the participants from behind a one-way mirror.

While I found the feedback interesting and informative, attending the focus groups was pure agony.

You see, they involved a lot of food—food I had made off-limits.

Focused on the Wrong Thing
The client observation rooms were always filled with heaps of food, from pizza, chips, cheese and crackers to cookies, granola bars, candy and more candy.

I was so preoccupied with all the food surrounding me, I often found it challenging to concentrate on what the focus group participants were saying. 

At the time, I was deeply entrenched in diet culture and had a lot of food rules regarding what I could and couldn’t eat. Unless baby carrots were involved, most of the foods provided were on my forbidden foods list.

Internal Tug-of-War
While my teammates freely enjoyed the food, I struggled with a tug-of-war in my head.

On one end of the rope, my inner Diet Rebel voice was saying “Screw it! Just have a few handfuls! It’s no big deal! You can make up for it tomorrow.” 

Pulling with all its might in the other direction was my inner Food Police voice screaming “Stay away! It’s too many calories! Once you start eating, you won’t be able to stop!”

This internal battle happened not only at focus groups but at any situation involving food I considered bad, banned or risky. 

My food fixation was an all-consuming distraction, one that prevented me from being fully present and engaged with the world around me.

Eyes Glued
At one focus group in particular, I vividly remember eyeing a bowl brimming with M&M’s. My eyes were glued on that colorful candy all night long. I desperately wanted to toss a few handfuls into my mouth but doing so felt like a huge no-no.

Not only was candy frowned upon on my diet, I was also ashamed to be caught eating it in front of my co-workers, who had all at various times complimented me on my seemingly healthy habits, unwavering self-discipline and recent weight loss.

It wasn’t so much that I thought they would make negative comments. I was more worried about them teasing me, perhaps calling me out for cheating on my diet or jokingly saying something like “I can’t believe YOU are eating candy!”

Having what I perceived as an act of weakness witnessed and remarked on by others felt intolerable to me. 

However, once the focus group was over and everyone left the room, I hurriedly dumped a bunch of the M&M’s into my bag and ate them on my way home when no one could witness my transgression. 

I consumed the candy with such a sense of urgency that I hardly tasted it much less enjoyed it. Sneaking it felt more like satisfying an intense need to fill a hole, albeit temporarily, that years of deprivation had dug. 

Restriction Driving Fixation
Afterward, I felt pretty pathetic. Flooded with feelings of guilt and shame, I immediately made a plan to get back on track the next day.

What I didn’t understand at the time was that I didn’t mess up or do anything wrong. That I wasn’t weak or lacking willpower, discipline or self-control. 

I was human. And my behavior was a natural response to food deprivation and scarcity. 

My food restriction was driving my food fixation.

I would have been able to focus on the focus group if I wasn’t denying myself food. It would have been no big deal to eat the foods surrounding me if I wasn’t trying to adhere to a bunch of food rules that ignored my body's needs and desires. 

Control Backfires
Sadly, diet culture teaches us that if your eating feels out of control, you need to pull the reins in tighter and control it more. The opposite is actually true. 

The more you control your food, the more it controls you. 

The more you try to control your eating, the more likely you are to eat in ways that feel out of control and unsatisfying.  

When I ditched dieting and my food rules and started giving myself unconditional permission to eat whatever I wanted whenever I wanted, I stopped fixating on food.

I no longer feared being in situations where food was involved. Instead, I was able to be present, engaged and enjoy myself, my company—and the food.

I wish the same for you.

I Ate Freely on July 4th. Until I Learned I Shouldn't.

With the Fourth of July upon us, I’ve been reflecting on what Independence Day was like for me as a kid.

Naturally, the fireworks were the highlight of the holiday. However, I also have very fond memories of the food.

I recall kicking off the festivities with a pancake breakfast at our local pool. I happily gobbled up syrup-soaked flapjacks topped with strawberries, blueberries and whipped cream in honor of the occasion.

After hours of swimming and playing with my neighborhood friends, the day would end with a big block party. What a thrill it was to be able to ride my banana-seat bike down the middle of our street!

Picnic tables were hauled from backyards and covered with an array of homemade summer dishes, while a couple of grills smoked away on the sidelines.

Food-Fueled Fun
My nighttime fun was fueled by ketchup-covered hot dogs, honey baked beans, buttery corn-on-the-cob, juicy watermelon wedges, salty chips and dip, and very patriotic Jell-O salads. All of this was washed down with thirst-quenching cups of lemonade.

No matter what I ate, I always had room for a fudgy brownie or strawberry shortcake topped with rapidly melting vanilla ice cream.

I ate what looked good, tasted good and felt good in my body. Sometimes I ate it all, and sometimes I left some behind.

I ate freely and intuitively. 

Not Yet Tainted
My young mind hadn’t been tainted yet by diet culture—an oppressive system built on anti-fat bias and unrealistic body ideals, one that’s full of food rules, good/bad food lists, meticulous tracking, (e.g., calories, points, macros, etc.), intentional deprivation, punishing exercise and false promises.

I hadn’t been taught yet that I should be hyper-vigilant with food and micro-manage every morsel.

No one had told me yet that my body couldn’t be trusted and that I needed to rely on a plan or program to tell me how to eat.

I hadn’t learned to abhor my belly, demonize certain foods, feel ashamed about my eating and compensate for my food sins. 

I didn't worry about others judging my choices nor did I sneak food to protect myself from scrutiny.

Do I Want It?
While I loved all that food, I had more exciting and important things to focus on, like water-balloon tosses, sparklers and bottle rockets.

As an Intuitive Eater, I just ate and moved on.

Eating was simply a matter of: I can have it. Do I want it?

Diet Mentality Takes Over
Unfortunately, all of this changed as I entered my teenage years and began adopting a diet mentality powered by salads, rice cakes, diet sodas (hello, Tab!) and Jane Fonda workouts.

My desire to achieve the “thin ideal” led to decades of disordered eating and exercise.

Thankfully, with help from some very wise guides, I eventually broke free from diet culture and made peace with food and my body.

The healing process wasn’t easy or fast. Some days, I feel like I'm still a work-in-progress. But, it’s all been worth it.

Ending the war I was waging against myself enabled me to return to the food freedom and body liberation I experienced as a young girl.   

It’s Still Within You
I’m sharing this story as a reminder that, for the most part, we all came into this world as Intuitive Eaters—that is, we ate based on our instincts, inner cues and desires. As long as our needs were met, we were able to eat without worry, guilt, fear or shame.

Sadly, we’re losing touch with our ability to eat intuitively at a younger and younger age. Shockingly, an estimated 80 percent of 10-year-old girls have been on a diet.

I’m also sharing my experience to assure you that if you’ve become disconnected from the Intuitive Eater within you, you can reconnect with it.

It hasn’t gone away. It’s just buried under layers of diet-culture gunk, which today, is often packaged under the guise of “wellness.”

Magical Powers Not Required
I don’t have any magical powers. My clients don’t either. If we can relearn how to listen to and trust our bodies, it’s quite likely you can, too.

“I’m no longer searching for the ‘answer’ to the perfect way to eat. I don’t stress about how I eat because it isn’t that big of a deal anymore. I no longer believe those food guilt thoughts and that is F-R-E-E-D-O-M!” 
–Client Molly