I Freaked Out Over a Few Calories

When I was obsessed with losing weight, I was hypervigilant about every single morsel that entered my mouth.

One of my permitted snacks was sea-salt soy crisps. I would carefully count out one serving, putting 21 crisps into a bowl. By eating this exact portion, I could stay on track with my daily calorie limit.

If my boyfriend innocently grabbed a handful from my bowl and tossed them into his mouth, I’d angrily snap at him. Unsure of how many he ate, I’d anxiously try to determine the correct number to replace.

Calorie Count Freak-Out
One day, after months of eating these soy crisps, I happened to glance at the nutrition facts label on the back of the package. To my horror, the serving size had changed from 21 crisps to 17, yet the calories remained the same. I had no idea how long ago the change had been made. I only knew that I had been eating more calories than I had been calculating.

I was so incensed, I fired off an irate email to the company’s customer service department. I complained about how incredibly misled I felt. I believed I’d been deceived and demanded an explanation.

I don’t remember what the company’s written response was, but I do remember they graciously sent me some coupons.

When I recalled this event years later, I felt deeply embarrassed and ashamed. I can’t imagine what the person who received my email must have thought about me.

Didn't Like Who I Became
While I still feel a tad bit embarrassed, I now see this experience as a powerful example of the negative impact dieting can have on not only your physical health, but also your mental and emotional health—and your relationships.

Once a fun-loving, easygoing gal, my obsession with weight loss and restrictive eating behaviors turned me into a rigid, uptight person who would quickly freak out over a few calories.

I didn’t like the person I had become—and frankly, neither did the people around me.

It was so helpful to remember this—along with the many other ways dieting harmed me—when I was working on healing my relationship with food and my body.

Whenever I felt tempted to diet again, I would remind myself that I never wanted to be that person again.

Lost Myself and More
I feel so much compassion for myself when I was entrenched in diet culture as I truly believed I was doing what I was supposed to do to be healthy and happy. I had no idea how unhealthy and unhappy dieting would make me.

I didn’t know that my desire to lose weight would result in me losing myself along with many other things I deeply valued.

How has dieting changed you?

In what ways has it negatively impacted who you are and how you act?

What parts of yourself have you lost?