I Finished Off the Cake to Save Myself from Eating Badly Tomorrow

I stared at the remaining chocolate cake on the plate.

Although I was full and no longer getting much pleasure from it, I finished it off.

My rationale for doing so was basically:

Let me just get this over with so I can go back to being good tomorrow.

Have you ever had an experience like this?

I used to do it all the time with all kinds of foods I considered “bad,” from cake, cookies and chips to pizza, pastries and ice cream.

In my mind, if I got rid of the “bad” food by eating it (throwing it away felt wasteful), then I’d have a better chance of getting back on track the next day.

Calmed My Anxiety
Driven by a deeply entrenched diet mentality, every night I would judge my day of eating as either good or bad.

Knowing a “bad” food wouldn’t be in my house to tempt me tomorrow helped calm my anxiety about having another bad day of eating, especially if I felt I had been on a streak of bad eating days.

It felt reassuring to know I would be able to go to bed tomorrow night and feel good about my eating and, ultimately, myself.

Finishing off food for this reason was never an enjoyable eating experience.

Rather, it was my way of saving my future self from negative feelings about myself.

Although I couldn’t see it then, this “looking out for myself” was actually a form of self-protection. I was simply trying to take care of myself.

Eat and Move On
My need to polish off a food so I could start fresh the next day diminished when I challenged my diet mentality and stopped labeling food, my eating and myself as good or bad.

By making all foods morally equivalent and giving myself unconditional permission to eat, I no longer feel compelled to eat all of something just to get rid of it so I can feel more in control and better about myself the next day.

It’s now easy to wrap up whatever’s remaining to enjoy later because I stopped putting conditions on my eating and don’t feel guilty about eating anything at any time.

This doesn’t mean I never finish something off and reach a point of uncomfortable fullness. I absolutely do!

Sometimes, I’ll make a conscious decision to eat all of the cake or the pizza or the ice cream even though I’m full simply because I’m really enjoying it—not because I’m scared of it.

My intentions have changed and my eating is no longer a big deal. Now, I just eat and move on.

If my “eat it all now to get rid of it” story sounds all too familiar, please know it is possible for you to have a more relaxed, trusting and peaceful relationship with food, too. Life's too short to have it any other way.

I Was So Bad Yesterday, I Ate Too Much...

How often have you thought or said something like the following?

"I was so bad yesterday, I ate way too much…"

"I was a good girl today, I didn’t eat any..."

"This food is one of my guilty pleasures."

"Oh my gosh, this is sinfully delicious..."

"This has only X calories, so I can eat it guilt-free."

If you can relate to any of these, you’re not alone.

I’ve heard thousands of different versions of these statements from my clients. And, for many years, I said or thought them myself.

Removing Morality
A primary focus of my coaching practice is to help my clients cultivate a positive relationship with food and their body. This requires making peace with food.

One of the ways this happens is by removing all morality and judgment from eating (which is often learned from diet culture).

This means not labeling foods as good or bad—and not labeling yourself as good or bad based on what you ate or want to eat.

Labeling foods bad—and yourself as bad based on your food choices—leads to a lot of unnecessary suffering, including all-consuming feelings of guilt, shame, disappointment and despair.

Your so-called food transgressions may make you feel like you have to repent and punish yourself with food restrictions (e.g., cutting calories, eliminating sugar), excessive exercise or abusive self-talk.

Categorizing foods as bad can also increase the reward value of those foods and trigger intense cravings, overeating and binge eating.

Morally and Emotionally Equal
Of course, nutritionally, all foods are different. Morally and emotionally, however, all foods must be treated equally in order to have a peaceful relationship with food.  

For example, carrots and carrot cake may not be nutritionally equal but they need to be morally and emotionally equal. Neither one is good or bad.

Unless you stole a food or harmed someone to get it, there is absolutely no reason to feel bad, guilty or ashamed about your food choices. 

Liberation is Possible
I’ve seen with my clients and with myself that when you free yourself from food moralism, your eating will be a lot more pleasurable and satisfying.

Thoughts about food will take up less real estate in your brain.

You will trust food and your body more. Feelings of liberation, empowerment and ease will bubble up.

You will discover that there is nothing more delicious than a peaceful relationship with food.

Do You Experience A Lot of Food Guilt?

Does your eating often make you feel guilty?

Whenever you experience guilt from eating, it’s often a sign you have a “food rule” you need to let go of.

A food rule is a thought or belief regarding what is or isn’t allowed when it comes to your eating. Here are some common ones:

• No eating after 7 p.m.

• I can only eat a specific number of carbs, calories or points a day.

• No snacking between meals.

• High-carb foods are off limits (e.g., greens are good; bread and pasta are bad).

• Every meal must contain a certain number of protein grams.

• I’m allowed one cheat day a week.

• Foods made with white flour, added sugars, etc. are forbidden.

• Gluten is a no-no (even though I don’t have celiac disease or a gluten intolerance).

• No sweets.

• No seconds.

Although often well-intentioned, there are many problems with food rules. For example, they…

• Disregard your body’s wisdom and needs, including its internal cues of hunger and fullness.

• Dictate your food choices regardless of how your body feels.

• Dismiss your food preferences and desires.

• Generate feelings of deprivation, which often results in intense cravings, overeating and binge eating.

• Provoke a make-up mentality (e.g., I must compensate for eating dessert by skipping breakfast or exercising longer tomorrow).

• Cultivate a mistrustful relationship with yourself, your body and food.

• Inject misplaced morality into your relationship with food (e.g., I'm good if I eat this, bad if I eat that).

• Create an eating environment that breeds feelings of guilt, shame, anxiety, fear, frustration, disappointment, anger, confusion and helplessness.

• Lead to social anxiety and isolation.

• Consume headspace, time and energy that could be devoted to more fulfilling, meaningful, productive and pleasurable thoughts and actions.

• Decrease self-esteem and self-confidence.

• Cause A LOT of unnecessary suffering.

Challenge Your Rules
As you can see, it’s well worth challenging your food rules and examining how they are impacting you.

With a curious, nonjudgmental mind, ask yourself: Where did this rule come from? Is it true? Is it really serving me? Is it based on my own direct experience or an external “authority?” Is it truly honoring, respecting and being kind to my body? Is it reasonable, sustainable, pleasurable and satisfying? Is it flexible enough for my life?

Some of your rules may be top of mind and others may be buried deeper, like lingering rules from past diets or your childhood home you aren’t aware you’re still adhering to.

If you’re unsure if you have food rules, pay attention to emotions like guilt or shame or “should” or “shouldn’t” thoughts that arise from eating. They will point you toward your rules.

If you have trouble identifying or releasing your food rules, yet know you would benefit from doing so, I encourage you to seek support.

Keep in mind, there is no need for food rules—or cause for guilt—when you let your body’s natural wisdom guide you.