I Treated My Body Like Crap. My Values Were All Screwed Up.

What are your core values?

Your core values guide your beliefs and behaviors. They define what matters the most to you, what sort of person you want to be, and how you want to live your life.

If you’re unsure what your core values are, there are numerous resources online to help you figure them out.

Some of my core values are kindness, respect, integrity, trust and freedom.

Conditioned to Value Thinness
There was a long period in my life when my relationship with my body was not informed by my personal core values but rather by what our culture values, especially the thin ideal.

Like so many of us, I had been conditioned to value my appearance, especially my weight, above almost everything else and never stopped to question if this was what I truly valued.

When I was trying to shrink my body, my beliefs and behaviors were not grounded in kindness, respect, trust, integrity or freedom. 

I wasn’t treating my body with kindness or respect when I spoke harshly about it, when I underate and overexercised, when I denied it what it needed and wanted.

I wasn't acting with kindness or respect when I beat myself up for eating something "bad" and then punished my body by restricting and exercising more to make up for it.

Instead of trusting myself and my body, I put my trust in a toxic system that profits greatly off of body shame and lies about the results it claims to deliver.

Oppressing Myself and Others
I wasn’t prioritizing freedom when I gave my autonomy away to our oppressive diet culture and appearance ideals.

Although my desire was, understandably, to be accepted, by submitting to diet culture’s rules and trying to take up less space, I was contributing to my own oppression.

Regrettably, I was also contributing to the oppression of others as my fatphobic beliefs and behaviors were helping to uphold our weight-stigmatizing culture that discriminates against bodies that don't conform to a very narrow ideal instead of accepting, respecting and celebrating our natural diversity.

As I became imprisoned in a harmful system that operates with zero integrity, I felt my own integrity slipping away. Filled with shame, I began withdrawing, lying, sneaking and hiding.

Obsessed with my weight and what I ate, I lost connection with my true self and what truly mattered to me. I became someone else—someone I and those around me no longer recognized and frankly, didn’t really like. 

Realigning with My Values
A big part of my healing journey was realigning my relationship with my body with my values.

Focusing on my values helped me walk away from diet culture, reclaim my power and free myself from the body shame prison so many of us find ourselves in.

When I struggled with my body, I practiced responding according to my values.

Instead of trying to “fix” and manipulate my body, I stopped seeing it as a problem to solve and started trusting its wisdom and treating it with kindness and respect. 

Rather than fight or ignore it, I began honoring its needs and desires whether it was for food, rest, gentle movement or something else. 

Aligning with my values also helped me uproot my anti-fat bias, ultimately enabling me to change not only how I viewed my body, but all bodies.

I didn't do any of this without some fumbles and stumbles. I am human after all!

Nor have I reached a final destination; I don't think there is one. Values-based living is an ongoing, evolving practice, one I'm deeply committed to.

Compassion is Essential
One of my core values is also compassion, which is essential for the healing process. 

If your relationship with your body is out of sync with your core values, I encourage you to treat yourself with compassion.

From a very young age, most of us were programmed to put bodies on a hierarchy—​​​​​​​and to value bodies over beings.

It's never too late, however, to challenge these oppressive, dehumanizing social constructs and return to what truly matters the most to you. 

It's Okay to Eat This. I've Had a Bad Day!

Does the following sound familiar?

“Screw it! I’m going to eat whatever I want. I’ve had a bad day!”

If you can relate to this, it’s completely understandable. It’s how diet culture has conditioned us to think.

Special Circumstances Only
Diet culture tells us we’re only allowed to eat certain foods under special circumstances.

It makes us believe it’s okay to eat cake at a birthday party but not on a regular ol’ Tuesday.

It drives us to think we can eat whatever we want on vacation as long as we get back on track once we’re home.

It tells us we can eat "bad" foods on the weekend, yet they are off-limits on weekdays.

It grants us permission to order dessert when celebrating a special occasion but not on an ordinary night out.

It gives us a free pass to eat forbidden foods on holidays but no other time of the year.

It causes us to believe we only deserve to eat what we want when we’re suffering, like after a bad day. 

And, it's all a bunch of B.S. The truth is:

You have the right to eat whatever you desire today—and every day of the year.

You don’t need a special reason, other than it’s what you want.

Diet Mentality vs. Non-Diet Mentality
If you feel the need to justify your food choices, you’re likely operating from a deeply ingrained diet mentality—one that includes a lot of rules and beliefs regarding what’s okay and not okay when it comes to eating.

Your experience is much different than if you’re operating from a non-diet mentality—that is, if you’re eating intuitively.

If you’re an Intuitive Eater, you truly know you have unconditional permission to eat whatever you want, whenever you want (of course, depending on what food is accessible to you).

You don’t feel the need to give yourself special permission to eat certain foods during certain times because you know you can eat them anytime they’re available.

If you want to move toward greater peace, ease and freedom with food, you can start by replacing any justifications, excuses or conditions for your eating with “It’s okay to eat this because it’s what I want.

My Eating is Out of Control at Night. I'm So Good All Day!

Does your eating ever feel out of control at night?

If yes, you’re not alone.

Many people have shared with me that they feel like they eat “good” all day, yet come nighttime, their eating often feels “out of control.”

There are many valid reasons why this might be. Here are a few:

1/ Undereating
Most often, feeling out of control with food at night is due to not eating enough throughout the day. 

When your nourishment needs aren’t met, perhaps because you’re dieting, restricting certain foods or too busy to eat, your very wise body will do everything it can to make up for this deprivation.

You may find yourself experiencing intense cravings, feeling preoccupied with food, eating faster than usual, overriding your fullness cues or eating in a way that feels binge-like.

None of this is due to a lack of willpower or self-discipline. It’s a normal compensatory reaction; your body’s natural response to physical and psychological deprivation.

2/ Dissatisfaction
Satisfaction is an essential component of the eating experience. If you don’t experience much satisfaction from your meals and snacks, you will naturally seek more food, even if you’re not hungry.

There are many reasons why your eating may be unsatisfying, such as denying yourself what you truly want, a lack of access to the foods you desire, not eating a variety of foods, not having time to enjoy your meals and being distracted while eating.

3/ Pleasure Deficiency
One of the gifts of food is the pleasure it can provide.

As humans, we’re wired to seek pleasure thus if you don’t experience much pleasure during your daytime hours, you may find yourself turning to food at night to fill this void.

This is completely understandable, especially considering how easily accessible and instantly rewarding food can be compared to many other forms of pleasure. 

4/ Revved-Up Nervous System
If your life is very busy or chaotic, you may often feel overextended and overwhelmed. The rhythmic act of eating can be very soothing, grounding and regulating. It’s a helpful way to calm your revved-up nervous system and center yourself when you feel anxious, stressed or scattered.

5/ Me Time Shortage
Whether it's with your job or your family—or both, if you spend most of your day taking care of other people’s needs, you’re likely short on me time. Enjoying some yummy food, once everyone else is tucked in or logged off, is a way to do something special just for yourself.

Very Valid Reasons
There are always very valid reasons why you do what you do with food and these are just a few of the many factors that might be at play.

By viewing your eating through the lenses of compassion and curiosity, instead of judgment and criticism, you will gain a better understanding of what needs you’re trying to take care of when your eating feels out of control at night.

It's important to also keep in mind that there is absolutely nothing wrong with eating at any time of day or night.

And, despite what our diet culture wants you to believe, it’s totally okay to eat when you’re not hungry, including eating for emotional reasons or for just pure pleasure.