My Last Last Supper. It Involved A Lot of Bread.

Many years ago, I went to see a naturopath about some health challenges I was having. As part of my treatment, she asked me to eliminate some foods from my diet, including gluten. Desperate to feel better, I agreed to do so.

I gave myself one last week to eat all my favorite gluten-containing foods.

During those last few days, I vividly recall feasting on artisanal sourdough loaves from my beloved local bread maker. 

I also raided all my favorite bakeries loading up on blueberry scones, chocolate chip cookies, veggie focaccia, chocolate fudge cake, and yes, more bread.

The idea of future deprivation drove this intense phase of one-last-shot, now-or-never eating. I happily gorged on gluten while simultaneously grieving the end of our relationship.

Can you relate to this behavior?

It’s called Last Supper Eating.

Farewell-to-Food Feast
Before embarking on a new diet, plan or program, have you ever found yourself eating everything in sight, especially the foods that will soon be forbidden?

Or perhaps you planned one last elaborate meal featuring all the dishes that would be off-limits starting tomorrow.

If you’re a yo-yo dieter, you’re likely very familiar with this pre-dieting ritual. Maybe it occurs every Sunday night before you get back on track on Monday.

Like many of my clients, you may view this period of intense, frantic consumption—which is often followed by overwhelming guilt—as “proof” that you need to restrict your eating because you simply can’t control yourself around food.

Nothing could be further from the truth.

The threat of food restriction can naturally trigger a Last Supper, farewell-to-food feast. It’s human nature to respond this way when deprivation and scarcity are just around the corner.

Yet, it’s so easy to go into self-blame and shame.

How to End Last Supper Eating
Intuitive Eating puts an end to Last Supper Eating.

With Intuitive Eating, there is no deprivation. You have unconditional permission to eat whatever looks good, tastes good, and feels good in your body.

Instead of depriving yourself and eating according to a set of rules, you ask yourself questions such as: What will hit the spot? What will satisfy my needs and desires? Is this satisfying? Do I like how it tastes and how it makes my body feel? Would I do anything differently next time?

In the Driver's Seat
When I started reclaiming my ability to eat intuitively, I asked myself if I actually liked the gluten-free foods I was eating.

The gluten-free bread, for example, was tolerable. It wasn’t delicious. It was simply an expensive vehicle for nut butter.

Since it wasn’t medically necessary for me to eliminate gluten (i.e., I don’t have celiac disease), I experimented with eating my beloved breads again, along with other gluten-containing foods—and my body felt just fine.

Although well-intentioned, the diet the naturopath put me on didn’t improve my health. It only caused a lot of unnecessary stress and left me feeling deprived and unsatisfied, which always backfires.

As an Intuitive Eater, I'm in the driver's seat. 

I determine what works best for me by staying attuned to the messages my body sends and focusing on what's satisfying.

If I skip a particular food because I don’t like how it tastes or feels in my body, I don’t view it as deprivation as I know I can have it if I truly want it, now or in the future.

It's such a relief to know I’ve had my last Last Supper.

After Dinner, I Went Looking for More Food

Has this ever happened to you?

Immediately after finishing dinner the other night, I started rummaging through my cupboards looking for something else to eat.

I wasn’t hungry. I was unsatisfied.

I didn’t completely dislike what I ate for dinner. It just didn’t hit the spot. 

My ho-hum meal left me wanting more. It left me wanting pleasure.

Feeling pleasure-deprived, I kept trying different foods until I found something that truly satisfied me. Once I did, my eating experience felt complete and I was able to move on with my evening.

Wired for Pleasure
As humans, we’re wired for pleasure. When our meals lack pleasure, it’s a natural human response to seek out food that meets our fundamental need for it.

There are many reasons why a meal may be pleasure deficient.

It could be because the recipe you made didn’t turn out quite right, or you’re stuck in a food rut, or bored with your leftovers. 

Maybe the entrée you ordered at the restaurant didn’t live up to your expectations or wasn’t what you really wanted because you were trying to make the “right” choice. Or perhaps the takeout food you had delivered arrived irreparably tough or soggy.

Or maybe you were dieting, which is rarely pleasurable.

If you’ve ever followed a plan that restricted what you were allowed to eat, that didn’t let you have what you really wanted, that didn’t satisfy your hunger or taste buds, you may have frequently found yourself after finishing a lackluster meal digging through your fridge or cabinets looking for something more to eat.

You may even have found yourself feeling a bit binge-y after your meal.

Despite what diet culture wants you to believe, this is not due to a lack of control, willpower or self-discipline. It’s due to being human. 

You’re simply trying to take care of your unmet need for pleasure.

Satisfaction-Based Eating
If you have a history of dieting, most of your eating decisions have likely been driven by questions such as “What am I allowed to have?” or “What have I earned the right to eat?” or “What should I eat?”

When working with my clients on shifting from restrictive, rules-based eating to unconditional, attuned eating, their food decisions start to be guided by satisfaction- and pleasure-based questions, such as:

• What sounds satisfying? What will hit the spot?

• How can I make my meal pleasurable?

• What will taste and feel the most satisfying?

• What will satisfy my hunger level, my appetite, my desires?

It may be hard to answer these questions in the beginning as dieting can cause you to lose touch with what you actually like to eat.

Radically Change Your Relationship
Approaching eating decisions through the lens of pleasure and satisfaction versus rules and restriction can radically change your relationship with food, and frankly, your overall quality of life.

Of course, not every meal is going to be a five-star experience. For most of us, life doesn’t work that way. 

Sometimes food is just fuel to get you through your day. Sometimes whatever you have on hand is good enough. 

Sometimes you may have barriers that prevent you from having what you really want, like budget, time, energy or access limitations.

However, if your eating experiences are often unsatisfying due to all the diet and wellness culture rules you’re following, I encourage you to experiment with making choices based on what you’re desiring instead of what you’re denying yourself.

Understandably, doing so might feel pretty scary, especially as diet culture conditions us to mistrust our bodies, our instincts and our desires. 

Most of us worry we’ll lose control if we allow ourselves to eat what we actually want. We’re afraid we’ll never stop eating and completely go to pot. 

The opposite tends to be true, however. My clients are often surprised to discover their eating feels much more balanced, nourishing and fulfilling when they make choices based on pleasure and satisfaction instead of restriction and deprivation.

As the journey toward a more pleasurable, satisfying relationship with food is often full of many challenging twists and turns, it can be quite helpful to get support from an Intuitive Eating community, therapist, counselor or coach. I’m here for you if you need me.

Food Freedom: Clients Share What It Means to Them

A big part of my work is helping people escape diet culture with all its punitive rules and restrictions and instead enjoy an ongoing sense of freedom with food.

Over the years, I’ve talked a lot about what food freedom means to me. 

For today’s newsletter, I'm excited to have some of my clients share what food freedom means to them. I find their responses to be incredibly inspiring. Perhaps, you will, too.

Clients Share What Food Freedom Means
“To me, food freedom means I only eat foods I actually enjoy. In the past, I would force myself to eat foods from my limited list of approved foods even if it wasn’t what I was craving. Now I’m able to make food choices based both on what I want taste- and texture-wise and what would make me feel my best in my body.” –Heather

“Food freedom means forgetting what I ate earlier and not stressing about what I will eat later.” –Adriana

“Food freedom means I am released from the diet culture judgment I used to impose on every food decision. That could mean choosing a crisp, crunchy salad if that sounds good to my body and not because I’m trying to be ‘healthy.’ It also means buying Oreos or chocolate at the store if a sweet treat sounds good.” –Emily

“Without food rules holding me back, I feel calm, peaceful and just happy enjoying messy meals as a family with our active toddler. I love cooking with my daughter and watching her explore the different dishes we've created, trying new textures and foods as we go.” –Ellen

“Food freedom means having multiple jars of nut butter in the house at once and knowing I won't (and don't need to!) binge on them. A close second is being able to eat at restaurants and not plan out what I will eat in advance or starve myself beforehand.” –Meredith

“It means the freedom to choose without guilt how I want to nourish myself. It means I give myself unconditional permission to eat whatever/whenever, so there is no sense of scarcity or repression that would cause me to want to rebel against myself.” –S.Y. 

“Food freedom means having time to do a million more fun and important things than recording, tracking and worrying about what I eat. It means trust in myself to know when I'm hungry, when I've had enough, what I feel like eating, what is best for me and that I'll be OK even on bad body image days.” –Katja

“Food freedom is eating exactly what I want, enjoying it without anxiety or guilt, and not giving what I ate any thought when finished. I simply move on with my day.” –Janelle

What Does It Mean to You?
If food freedom is something you desire, I encourage you to take a moment to reflect on the following questions.

What does food freedom mean to you? How would it look and feel? 

How would your life change if you escaped diet culture and gave yourself unconditional permission to eat freely?

If you have barriers, such as dietary restrictions due to a health condition, how can you imagine still feeling some sense of food freedom?

What small step can take this week to bring you closer to food freedom?

May you always remember that everyone deserves to eat with a sense of peace, ease and freedom—including you.