Body Stories I'm Tuning Into

What’s your body story?

When I work with my clients, I want to learn all about their body story.

This includes everything from what their relationship with their body has looked and felt liked over the years and what experiences they’ve had living in their body to the cultural messages they’ve internalized regarding how their body is supposed to be.

Individual body stories and the journey toward self-acceptance are the overriding themes in much of the content I consume, whether it's a book, show or podcast.

The Power of Body Stories
It’s my belief that hearing other people’s body stories, especially from a diverse group of often marginalized voices, can be a powerful part of the healing process.

Hearing others’ stories can help you feel less alone in your struggle and gain a deeper understanding of yourself and your challenges as well as the challenges other folks are navigating.

It can also help you be more accepting of and compassionate toward yourself and others, and enable you to envision what’s possible on your own body-peace journey.

Tune Into These
Following are some of the body stories I've been turning into lately. I hope you will find them as helpful, insightful and inspiring as I have.

My Body is the Right Body Because It’s Mine [YouTube]
“How would I be with my body if there was nothing to fix…except the lens I’m looking through?” asks writer and activist Adrienne Maree Brown when sharing her body story.

In addition to this moving piece, I recommend checking out all of the docu-style videos produced by Elisa Goodkind and Lily Mandelbaum, the mother-daughter duo behind StyleLikeU, especially the Embracing Curves and Redefining Fat series.

Lizzo’s Watch Out for the Big Grrrls [Prime Video]
Lizzo's empowering, uplifting show challenges harmful cultural messaging regarding body size by celebrating 13 talented performers as they audition to become one of her “Big Grrrl” backup dancers.

Full of heart and none of the toxicity many reality shows contain, this Emmy-nominated gem will leave you wanting more—more of this show as well as more programming featuring a wider range of individuals in diverse bodies living full and fulfilling lives because representation truly does matter.

Men Unscripted [Spotify]
Unfortunately, we rarely hear from men regarding their struggles with body image and disordered eating. Fortunately, this new podcast hosted by registered dietitian Aaron Flores gives men of all backgrounds an opportunity to share their story.

Perhaps by listening to body stories like these you will feel compelled to find a safe, trusted space to share your own story as doing so can truly be a liberating and healing experience.

"I love creating shapes with my body, and I love normalizing the dimples in my butt or the lumps in my thighs or my back fat or my stretch marks. I love normalizing my Black-ass elbows. I think it's beautiful."
—Lizzo

If I Go to the Party, I Might Blow My Diet

As we inch our way out of the pandemic, many people are excited to be out in the world socializing again. For most, the opportunity to freely connect with others in person is something to celebrate.

However, if you have a lot of food rules and restrictions, socializing can feel stressful, scary and just way too risky.

I know this was the case for me when I was dieting. Social events that involved food made me anxious. I became a master at avoiding any situation that threatened my need for control and that could potentially cause me to eat off-plan.

Staying Home Feels Safer
When I ask folks how dieting negatively impacts them, they almost always talk about how it adversely affects their social life.

It sounds something like this:

• I decline a lot of party invitations because I’m afraid if I go, I’ll break down and eat a bunch of food I shouldn’t be eating.
  

• Even though I’d like to, I don’t go out to lunch with my coworkers since the places they like don’t serve anything I can eat. Instead, I eat my diet-friendly lunch at my desk while scrolling through social media.
  

• I skip a lot of family gatherings because there’s always so much food, including many of my childhood favorites. I don’t want to be tempted and fall off the wagon.
  

• Rather than hang out with my friends on the weekends, I spend hours alone in my kitchen preparing my diet-approved meals for the upcoming week.
  

• I’d really like to meet someone, but dating is hard since my diet doesn't allow me to eat after 6:00 p.m.
  

• I get anxious about consuming too many calories/points/carbs when eating out with my friends so I often make excuses about why I can’t join them.
  

• I avoid taking trips if I won’t be able to control what food I’ll have access to. It’s just too stressful.
  

• When I go to an event, I’m so distracted by all the food I want but won't let myself have that it’s hard to be present with others. This doesn't feel good, so I’d rather just stay home.

Does any of this sound familiar to you? If so, I’m guessing you experienced some major relief during the pandemic when socializing in person came to a grinding halt.

(Please note, I’m not referring to dietary restrictions that are absolutely necessary due to health conditions such as celiac disease or a peanut allergy. Understandably, critical restrictions such as these can make navigating some social events more challenging and daunting.)

Social Life Suffers
As you may know all too well, when you place a lot of rules and restrictions on your eating, your social life can suffer tremendously.

Following a diet and/or living with a diet mentality makes it really hard to engage fully in your life. 

It's difficult to be flexible in different food situations and eating environments, to go with the flow, to be spontaneous and open to new experiences.

Your life becomes very restricted, contracted and small.

If you’re afraid of eating the “wrong” things, losing control with food and blowing your diet, it’s completely understandable why you would want to isolate yourself. You’re simply trying to be good, to protect yourself, to keep yourself safe.

Yet, the social isolation dieting can cause not only sucks a lot of the fun and joy out of your life, it also limits your opportunities for connecting with others in meaningful ways, which is essential for your wellbeing.

Not Inherently Dieters
Human beings are inherently social creatures. We are not inherently restrictive eaters.

We thrive when we regularly nourish ourselves with a wide variety of satisfying, pleasurable foods—as well as deep, fulfilling social connections.

If your diet keeps you stuck at home, afraid of socializing and losing control with food, I encourage you to truly consider if it's worth restricting your life for.

I Wasn't Being Kind to My Body

What are your core values?

Your core values guide your beliefs and behaviors. They define what matters the most to you, what sort of person you want to be, and how you want to live your life.

If you’re unsure what your core values are, there are numerous lists online to help you out.

Some of my core values are kindness, respect, integrity, trust and freedom.

Conditioned to Value Thinness
There was a long period in my life when my relationship with my body was not informed by my personal core values but rather by what our culture values, especially the thin ideal.

Like so many of us, I had been conditioned to value my appearance, especially my weight, above almost everything else and never stopped to question if this was what I truly valued.

When I was trying to shrink my body, my beliefs and behaviors were not grounded in kindness, respect, trust, integrity or freedom.

I wasn’t treating my body with kindness or respect when I spoke harshly about it, when I underate and overexercised, when I denied it what it needed and wanted.

I wasn't acting with kindness or respect when I beat myself up for eating something "bad" then punished my body by restricting and exercising more to make up for it.

Instead of trusting myself and my body, I put my trust in a toxic system that profits greatly off of body shame and lies about the results it claims to deliver.

Oppressing Myself and Others
I wasn’t prioritizing freedom when I gave my autonomy away to our oppressive diet culture and appearance ideals.

Although my desire was, understandably, to be accepted, by submitting to their rules and trying to take up less space, I was contributing to my own oppression.

I was also contributing to the oppression of others as my fatphobic beliefs and behaviors were helping to uphold our weight-stigmatizing culture that discriminates against bodies that don't conform to a very narrow ideal instead of accepting, respecting and celebrating our natural diversity.

As I became imprisoned in a system that operates with zero integrity, I felt my own integrity slipping away. Filled with shame, I began withdrawing, lying, sneaking and hiding.

Obsessed with my weight and what I ate, I lost connection with my true self and what truly matter to me. I became someone else—someone I and those around me no longer recognized and frankly, didn’t really like.

Realigning with My Values
A big part of my healing journey was realigning my relationship with my body with my values.

Focusing on my values helped me walk away from diet culture, reclaim my power and free myself from the body shame prison so many of us find ourselves in.

When I struggled with my body, I practiced responding according to my values.

Instead of thinking my body was a problem to solve, I reminded myself that I can trust its wisdom and treated it with kindness and respect. 

Honoring my values also helped me uproot my anti-fat bias, ultimately enabling me to change not only how I viewed my body, but all bodies.

I haven't reached a final destination with all of this; I don't think there is one. Values-based living is an ongoing practice, one I'm deeply committed to.

Compassion is Essential
One of my core values is also compassion, which is essential for the healing process. 

If your relationship with your body is out of sync with your core values, I encourage you to treat yourself with compassion.

From a very young age, most of us were programmed to put bodies on a hierarchy—​​​​​​​and to value bodies over beings.

It's never too late, however, to challenge these oppressive, dehumanizing social constructs and return to what truly matters the most to you.