How Dieting Destroys Body Trust

Do you trust your body?

There are various reasons why you may not trust your body. Dieting could be one of them.

When you follow a diet (this includes any plan with food rules and restrictions, regardless of what it’s called), you’re letting someone else dictate what and how you eat.

The people behind all the diet programs rely on your reliance on them so they work really hard to convince you that you and your body can’t be trusted, that you need them because they know better than you what your body needs.

They teach you to prioritize their external rules over your inner cues.

They cause you to disconnect from your body and deny its needs and desires.

They destroy the trust you once had in your body, before you learned it was a problem to be solved. 

The thing is, no one knows your body better than you do.

No one knows better than you when you’re hungry, how much food you need, what kind of food you need, what foods satisfy you, and how different foods feel in your body.

Give Your Power and Freedom Away
The desire to diet is completely understandable given our weight-obsessed culture with its unrealistic body standards and tendency to equate thinness with health and moral virtue.

Given our confusing, constantly changing "eat this, don't eat that" food environment, it's also completely understandable to want someone else to just tell you what to eat.

It's important to understand, however, that although well-intentioned, when you hand your food decisions over to an external source, you give your power and freedom away.

As a result, you may eventually find yourself rebelling against the diet and its unsustainable requirements that disregard your body's wants and needs. 

When this happens, it's typical to view it as self-sabotage, a lack of willpower and self-discipline, and further proof that you and your body can't be trusted when it comes to food.

Nothing could be further from the truth.

By rebelling, you’re simply trying to regain a sense of autonomy and freedom—two of the many things dieting takes away from you.

You are the Expert
You are the expert of your own body.

Intuitive Eating helps you tap into this expertise and reconnect with your body.

It helps you rebuild the body trust you came into this world with.

It teaches you how to listen to and honor your body wisdom and how to use this innate knowledge to discern what way of eating works best for you.

Ultimately, it empowers you to take back your power and freedom—and to fully trust yourself and your body.

What to Do When Someone Polices Your Eating

Do you ever feel like you’re being patrolled by the food police, whether it’s a family member, partner, friend, co-worker or even a stranger?

Food policing sounds something like:

• Should you really be eating that?

• Gosh, you're eating again?

• Do you really need more?

• You sure can put it away!

• Don’t you know how bad that is for you?

• Wow! You must really be hungry!

• Once on your lips, forever on your hips.

• Are you really going to eat all of that?

• Looks like you'll need to hit the gym tomorrow.

• I can't believe you're eating that!

• Someone's being naughty!
  

If you’ve ever been the victim of food policing, you know it’s never helpful. More often than not, it leaves you feeling humiliated, guilty, ashamed, angry, resentful or rebellious—or all of the above!

Regardless of the food cop’s intentions, you have the right to eat whatever you want—whenever, wherever and however you want it—without having someone negatively comment on, criticize, judge or question your choices.

Set Firm Boundaries
When the food police show up, it’s important to stand up for yourself by setting and protecting your boundaries. How you do so will naturally depend on the situation, however, here are some responses to consider.

• I know you mean well, but your comments are not helpful.

• What I eat is truly none of your business.

• I trust myself to give my body what it needs.

• I trust my body to tell me what it needs.

• Please don’t make comments about my eating.

• Yes, I am going to eat it and I won’t stand for being shamed about it.

• Who hired you to police my eating? Please don't do it again.

• You mind your own plate and I'll mind mine.

• You’re out of line. It’s absolutely not okay to criticize my food choices.

• Yes, I am going to eat this, and I'm going to savor every. single. bite.

• I’m completely capable of making my own food decisions; there’s absolutely no need for you to get involved.

• How I’m eating works for me!

• Say nothing, blow the food cop a kiss, then walk away to enjoy your food in peace.
  

Guilty of Food Policing?
Perhaps you’re guilty of policing other people’s food choices. I'm sorry to say I’ve done it myself in the past, especially during my orthorexic days, and have worked hard to change my ways.

Not only is it important to set your own boundaries, it’s equally important to respect other people’s boundaries, too.

If you catch yourself stepping into the role of the food police, hit the brakes. Should a comment slip out, immediately apologize.

Remembering how it feels to be on the receiving end of an unsolicited negative food comment will help you think twice before you open your mouth.

Your Internal Food Police
In addition to external food police, many of us struggle with internal food police.

These are the voices in your head that try to enforce food moralism and the unreasonable rules our diet and wellness cultures have created. They make you feel bad, guilty and ashamed about your eating.

If you desire a peaceful relationship with food, you must fire your internal food police by challenging your food rules and removing any moralism and judgment surrounding food. Doing so is a critical step toward reclaiming the Intuitive Eater within you.

Why I Couldn't Stop Eating the Crappy Cake

Years ago, I was at a friend’s bridal shower. At the end of the party, the host was desperate for all the guests to take some of the leftover cake.

It was one of those super tall cakes—an impressive feat of multiple layers of dark chocolate cake sandwich between chocolate buttercream frosting and topped with giant shards of dark chocolate.

“Everyone, please, please take some cake,” the host begged. “I can’t be trusted to have all of this cake in my house. I'm afraid I’ll lose control and eat it all!”

I offered to take a few big slabs home to give to my boyfriend. Although, secretly, I was really looking forward to eating the cake myself.

You see, despite longing for the cake at the party, I didn’t eat any because I was being “good” and didn’t want to tarnish my “healthy eater” image.

Once I Started, I Couldn't Stop
I honestly don’t remember if my boyfriend ate any of the cake; if he did, it wasn’t much.

What I do remember, however, is standing alone at my kitchen counter in the dark later that night, my mouth salivating as I pulled the plastic wrap off the cake.

As I dug my fork into the cake, my body buzzed with excitement. Cake was a rarity in my "clean eating" days, so I was understandably very excited to eat it.

Sadly, it didn’t live up to my expectations. The frosting was overwhelmingly sweet and the cake was flavorless and dry.

Nonetheless, I continued to eat it all, my pace quickening as I did.

I thought, “What the hell, I might as well polish this off as I'm not going to let myself eat cake again for a very long time.”

After licking the last bit of frosting off my fork and the plastic wrap, I was angry with myself for eating so much cake, especially since it wasn’t very good. “What a waste of calories!” the Food Police voices yelled in my head.

I was mad that I didn’t have enough self-discipline to toss the cake after discovering it didn’t taste satisfying.

I couldn’t understand why I kept eating it and blamed it on my lack of self-control. I deeply regretted bringing the cake home.

Natural Response to Deprivation
Looking back now, I can so clearly understand why I kept eating that crappy cake.

When we let ourselves have what is typically forbidden and scarce, it’s only natural to eat a whole lot of it, to maybe even feel binge-y with it, even if it's not satisfying.

Understandably, my very wise brain believed, “I need to eat all of this cake now, no matter what, because I don’t know when I’m going to get cake again!”

Of course, this didn’t just happen this one time. It frequently happened with my other off-limits foods.

My all-or-nothing approach to eating made me feel out-of-control, guilty and ashamed. And, it provided false evidence that I couldn’t be trusted with food and needed to pull the reins in tighter.

Nothing could have been further from the truth. It was simply a very natural human response to deprivation and scarcity.

Crappy cake felt better than no cake at all.