What to Do When Someone is Policing Your Eating

Do you ever feel like you’re being patrolled by the food police, whether it’s a family member, partner, friend or co-worker?

Food policing sounds something like:

• Should you really be eating that?

• Gosh, you're eating again?

• Do you really need more?

• You sure can put it away!

• Don’t you know how bad that is for you?

• Wow! You must really be hungry!

• Once on your lips, forever on your hips.

• Are you really going to eat all of that?

• Looks like you'll need to hit the gym tomorrow.

• Someone's being naughty!

If you’ve ever been the victim of food policing (like my brownie shaming and dinner party incidents), you know it’s never helpful. More often than not, it leaves you feeling humiliated, guilty, ashamed, angry, resentful or rebellious—or all of the above!

Regardless of the food cop’s intentions, you have the right to eat whatever you want—whenever, wherever and however you want it—without having someone negatively comment on, criticize, judge or question your choices.

Set Your Boundaries
When the food police show up, it’s important to stand up for yourself by setting and protecting your boundaries. How you do so will naturally depend on the comment, the commenter and the situation, however, here are some responses to consider.

• I know you mean well, but your comments are not helpful.

• What I eat is truly none of your business.

• I trust myself to give my body what it needs and not be influenced by other people’s views.

• Please don’t make comments about my eating.

• Yes, I am going to eat it and I won’t stand for being shamed about it.

• What led you to think I want you to police my eating? Please don't do it again.

• You mind your own plate and I'll mind mine.

• You’re out of line. It’s absolutely not okay to comment on my food choices.

• Yes, and I'm going to savor every single bite.

• Say nothing, blow the food cop a kiss, then walk away to enjoy your food in peace.

Guilty of Food Policing?
Perhaps you’re guilty of policing other people’s food choices. I'm sorry to say I’ve done it myself in the past and have worked hard to change my ways.

Not only is it important to set your own boundaries, it’s equally important to respect other people’s boundaries, too.

If you catch yourself stepping into the role of the food police, hit the brakes. Should a comment slip out, immediately apologize.

Remembering how it feels to be on the receiving end of an unsolicited food comment will help you think twice before you open your mouth.

Your Internal Food Police
In addition to external food police, many of us struggle with internal food police. These are the voices in your head that tell you that you’re “good” or “bad” based on what or how you ate.

Your food police try to enforce the unreasonable rules diet culture has created, and make you feel guilty and ashamed about your food choices.

In order to make peace with food, you must fire your internal food police by challenging your beliefs and rules and removing any moralism and judgment surrounding food. Doing so is a critical step toward reclaiming the Intuitive Eater within you.

Confused About What to Eat? You're Not Alone

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A Downside of Gluten Free: Higher Arsenic and Mercury Levels

Mediterranean Diet Study Seriously Flawed

The Great Egg Debate: Are They Healthy or Not?

Relax, You Don’t Need to Eat Clean

Researchers Find Red Meat is Good for Your Health

Yes, Bacon Really is Killing Us

Every day, we’re bombarded with headlines like these—along with social media posts, documentaries, celebrity testimonials, podcast remarks, friends’ comments, and so on—that can easily send us tumbling down yet another path in search of a better body or optimal health.

So if you’re confused about what to eat, you’re definitely not alone.

One of the exercises I do with my clients is a review of all the diets, plans and programs they’ve experimented with over the years. They’re often shocked to see the long list of things they’ve tried, often beginning in their teens.

We talk about what they learned from their experiences. One of the biggest takeaways is how much time, energy and money they have spent with very little to show for it other than being more confused and frustrated than ever—and more distrusting of themselves and their body.

Then we talk about how, with Intuitive Eating, they can stop getting pulled in multiple directions by the nonstop flood of mixed messages.

When you return to the Intuitive Eater you came into this world as, you no longer feel confused, alarmed, tempted or swayed by the latest "eat this, not that" headlines because you trust and rely on your body’s internal cues instead of external rules and “experts” to guide you.

Rather than turning to outsiders (who couldn’t possibly know what your body wants and needs), you turn inward by listening to the messages your body is sending you.

Doing so gives you the awareness, insight and clarity you need to do what’s best for your utterly unique being. And, it gives you the confidence to discern when outside information is helpful and true for you—and when it’s not.

In short: you are the expert of your body. Rediscovering this inherent expertise is at the heart of Intuitive Eating.

It’s not a quick fix.

It’s an empowering pathway back to yourself—and to peace and ease with food and your body.

"At best, dueling headlines trigger confusion. At worst, they contribute to a growing food phobia. The negative impact of worry and stress over healthy eating may have a more profound effect on health than the actual food consumed." —Resch & Tribole, Intuitive Eating

What if Your Body was Your Friend?

I recently spent time with two old friends I deeply cherish. They are both caring, kind, compassionate and supportive.

They treat me with respect, affection and appreciation. They are curious about my needs and desires, and talk to me in a gentle, tender voice.

As I reflected on our friendship, I wondered what it would be like if we always treated our body like a dear friend.

For many of us, this is hard to imagine.

Most of us are at war with our body. It's our enemy.

We try to control it, manipulate it and whip it into shape. We deprive it, compare it, criticize it and flat-out ignore it.

We often treat it like crap. We take it for granted.

Yet—we expect A LOT in return.

I don’t know about you, but I wouldn’t want a friend who treats me like this!

Being unfriendly to your body creates a state of divisiveness between you and your body that will never lead to the self-love and self-acceptance—and the peace, freedom, ease and happiness—you long for.

The good news is, you can start building a friendship with your body at any time.
 

and i said to my body. softly.

“i want to be your friend.”

it took a long breath. and replied

“i have been waiting my whole life for this.”

—Nayyirah Waheed
 

What friendly action can you take today to improve your relationship with your body? For ideas, go here, here and here.