My Mom Talks About Dieting Nonstop! How to Ditch Diet & Weight Talk

When you’re working on breaking up with diet culture and healing your relationship with food and your body, you’ll likely become hyper-aware of how much your family members, friends and coworkers (and random strangers!) talk about diets and weight.

Whether it’s your mom raving about her new weight-loss plan, your trainer talking about his latest diet hack, a colleague complaining about how “bad” she’s eating, or a friend's frequent comments on other people’s size, diet and weight talk is everywhere.

If you’re like me, you probably used to participate in these conversations without giving it a second thought. This is completely understandable given how ingrained, habitual and normalized diet and weight talk have become.

However, it doesn’t have to be the norm or acceptable, especially if you find such talk triggers negative feelings about your eating and body, tempts you to try one last diet and other disordered behaviors, or feels stigmatizing, oppressive and downright tiresome.

If this is the case, here are a few strategies for ditching diet and weight talk.

Don’t Contribute
When someone starts talking about these topics, don’t add fuel to the fire. By not contributing to the conversation, it will likely quickly peter out, especially if you’re engaging with just one person.

Change the Subject
There are a gazillion other things to talk about so changing the subject is usually pretty easy. Most of the time, the other person won’t even realize what you’ve done.

Remove Yourself
Remove yourself from the conversation by simply walking away or making an excuse to leave, such as needing to use the restroom or get back to work.

Make a Request, Set a Boundary
If you feel comfortable with making a specific request regarding what would be the most supportive or setting a boundary regarding what is no longer acceptable, following is some language to consider. Of course, what you say will depend on the situation and who you’re talking to.

• Focusing on diets and weight has caused me to have a disordered relationship with food and my body. Will you help me create a healthy one by no longer talking about dieting and weight loss when we’re together?

• We waste so much time and energy talking about what we shouldn’t be eating and what’s wrong with our bodies. Can we agree to ditch the diet and weight talk and focus on more interesting, fun and fulfilling subjects?

• I’m reclaiming my life from our toxic diet culture. Will you help me by not talking about or sending me any info on weight loss and diets, including detoxes, cleanses, resets, reboots and any other form of food restriction?

• All this talk about diets and weight feels so oppressive and disempowering. How about we make a pact to no longer discuss these things?

• I respect that you approach food and weight differently than I do. Can we agree to honor each other’s choices and not talk about these topics anymore?

• I’m learning how to eat intuitively and accept my body. I'd appreciate if you supported me in this process by not bringing up anything about diets and weight. If you’d like to learn more, I’m happy to share my experience with you.

Keep in mind that not everyone will remember your request or boundary, understand it or respect it—especially if they’re entrenched in diet culture. Thus, you may have to remind them multiple times, explain it further or be firmer.

Even if your conversations feel uncomfortable and scary, don’t give up.

You have the right to ask for what you need, to have your needs met, and to surround yourself with unconditional support.

It's Okay If I Eat This Because We're in a Pandemic

Does the following sound familiar?

“I’m letting myself eat whatever I want right now because we’re experiencing a global crisis. But once this is over, I’m not going to eat this way anymore.”

If you can relate to this, it’s completely understandable. It’s how diet culture has conditioned us to think.

Only Under Special Circumstances
Diet culture tells us we’re only allowed to eat certain foods under special circumstances.

It makes us believe that it’s okay to eat cake at a weekend birthday party but not on a regular ol’ Tuesday.

It drives us to think we can eat whatever we want on vacation as long as we get back on track once we’re home.

It tells us we can eat our forbidden "bad" foods during a pandemic, yet they must become off-limits again once it passes.

And, it's all a bunch of B.S. The truth is:

You have the right to eat all the available chips, cookies, brownies and bread you desire today—and every day of the year.

You don’t need a special reason, other than it’s what you want.

Diet Mentality vs. Non-Diet Mentality
If you’re feeling the need to justify your food choices during this challenging time (or at any time), you’re likely operating from a deeply ingrained diet mentality—one that includes a lot of rules and beliefs regarding what’s okay and not okay when it comes to eating.

Your experience is much different than if you’re operating from a non-diet mentality—that is, if you’re eating intuitively.

If you’re an Intuitive Eater, you truly know you have unconditional permission to eat whatever you want, whenever you want and however much you want (of course, depending on what food is currently accessible to you).

You don’t feel the need to give yourself special permission to eat certain foods during certain times because you know you can eat them anytime they’re available.

As a result, you don’t have a pandemic permission list.

It’s Okay Now—and Later
If your eating feels off-kilter right now, I encourage you to have compassion for yourself. The entire world is off-kilter right now, so it makes sense that your eating would feel this way too.

If you find yourself thinking “It’s okay if I eat this because we’re in a pandemic,” you are right. It is absolutely okay.

If you want to move toward greater peace, ease and freedom with your eating, you can start by following this thought with “It’s also okay for me to eat this when we’re not in a pandemic.” Because it is. 

Are You Fixating A Lot On Your Body These Days?

Are you fixating on your body a lot these days?

Do you have a strong urge to diet and lose weight?

Or maybe you’re afraid of gaining weight.

If so, it makes sense.

When life feels out of your control, when you’re feeling anxious, scared and helpless, it’s human nature to search for something that gives you a sense of control.

In the beginning of the COVID-19 pandemic, stocking your pantry and cupboards with multiple weeks worth of food and personal care products likely made you feel a bit in control—something we’re all grasping for right now as we try to navigate this life-altering global crisis that is largely out of our control.

But now that we’re a few weeks in and still facing an unprecedented level of uncertainty, it’s understandable to seek other things that give you the illusion of control.

For you and many others, this might mean trying to control your eating and your body.

Okay Body, Okay Life
Like shopping and stockpiling, focusing on your weight feels accessible, doable and reassuring. If you have a history of dieting, it's an especially calming, familiar place to turn to when faced with so many unknowns. 

Diet culture, after all, has conditioned us to believe—from a very young age and without our consent—that if we can just control our eating and our weight and feel good about our body then everything will be okay and life will be easier.

So it’s completely understandable why you would fixate on your body as a way to cope with the difficult, distressing and overwhelming emotions you’re likely experiencing right now.

Not Really in Our Control
Yet, despite what diet culture has led us to believe, we do not have complete control over the size and shape of our body.

It’s not simply a matter of “eat less and exercise more.”

The human body isn't that simplistic.

Your weight is impacted by multiple complex factors, including your genetics, environment, and social and economic conditions.

And research shows that the vast majority of people who lose weight eventually gain it back, and many gain back more than they lost.

If this has been your experience, it’s not because you failed or lack willpower and self-discipline.

When you deprive your body of food, it thinks it's being subjected to a famine and will do everything it can to survive. This includes triggering numerous compensatory processes, such as hormonal changes that increase your appetite and decrease your metabolism

Weight-Neutral, Sustainable Self-Care
So rather than focus on something that is short-lived, unsustainable, exhausting and potentially harmful to your physical and psychological wellbeing, I encourage you to direct your precious time, energy and headspace toward more meaningful, fulfilling pursuits.

This includes weight-neutral, sustainable and pleasurable self-care practices that help you ride this emotional roller coaster with greater ease and feel better in your here-and-now body.

I also encourage you to be compassionate, gentle and patient with yourself.

Times are tough. Trust that you’re doing the best you can.

If you're struggling and would like support, please feel free to reach out. Thankfully, I'm still able to support my clients via video during this challenging time.