The Pizza's Aroma Hugged Me Like a Warm Blanket

Last week, one of my favorite bakeries reopened.

It’s a neighborhood co-op I’ve been going to for decades that closed in mid-March due to the pandemic.

I quickly ordered one of their half-baked pizzas. I had been craving their pizza for months and wanted to ensure I got one before they sold out.

As I baked it later that evening, the distinctive aroma of its sourdough crust wafted through my apartment.

My body responded as if it was being hugged by a warm blanket.

The aroma transported me to a time years ago when I frequently picked up one of the bakery’s pizzas to bake for dinner.

It was a time in my life when things felt simpler, less uncertain, less heartbreaking.

I was struck by how much just the smell of the pizza comforted me—even more than its taste, which I also quite savored. 

Of course, it didn’t take away my sadness, anger, pain and uncertainty.

But, for a brief moment, it did provide some much-needed comfort.

Demonized by Diet Culture
Despite its tremendous power to soothe, diet culture has demonized comfort food.

It has taught us to feel bad, guilty, weak or ashamed when we turn to it to navigate tough times.

As a result, we often feel we have to justify our desires, hide our eating, and make up for our “food sins.”

Nothing could be further from the truth.

Rightful Coping Tool
Food’s ability to soothe our mind, body and soul is something to embrace and celebrate.

Providing comfort is just one of the many roles it plays in our lives, one of the many ways it meets our needs, and one of the many gifts it gives us.

For many of us, food is an easily accessible coping mechanism—one that has a rightful place in our emotional coping toolkit.

My Mom Talks About Dieting Nonstop! How to Ditch Diet & Weight Talk

When you’re working on breaking up with diet culture and healing your relationship with food and your body, you’ll likely become hyper-aware of how much your family members, friends and coworkers (and random strangers!) talk about diets and weight.

Whether it’s your mom raving about her new weight-loss plan, your trainer talking about his latest diet hack, a colleague complaining about how “bad” she’s eating, or a friend's frequent comments on other people’s size, diet and weight talk is everywhere.

If you’re like me, you probably used to participate in these conversations without giving it a second thought. This is completely understandable given how ingrained, habitual and normalized diet and weight talk have become.

However, it doesn’t have to be the norm or acceptable, especially if you find such talk triggers negative feelings about your eating and body, tempts you to try one last diet and other disordered behaviors, or feels stigmatizing, oppressive and downright tiresome.

If this is the case, here are a few strategies for ditching diet and weight talk.

Don’t Contribute
When someone starts talking about these topics, don’t add fuel to the fire. By not contributing to the conversation, it will likely quickly peter out, especially if you’re engaging with just one person.

Change the Subject
There are a gazillion other things to talk about so changing the subject is usually pretty easy. Most of the time, the other person won’t even realize what you’ve done.

Remove Yourself
Remove yourself from the conversation by simply walking away or making an excuse to leave, such as needing to use the restroom or get back to work.

Make a Request, Set a Boundary
If you feel comfortable with making a specific request regarding what would be the most supportive or setting a boundary regarding what is no longer acceptable, following is some language to consider. Of course, what you say will depend on the situation and who you’re talking to.

• Focusing on diets and weight has caused me to have a disordered relationship with food and my body. Will you help me create a healthy one by no longer talking about dieting and weight loss when we’re together?

• We waste so much time and energy talking about what we shouldn’t be eating and what’s wrong with our bodies. Can we agree to ditch the diet and weight talk and focus on more interesting, fun and fulfilling subjects?

• I’m reclaiming my life from our toxic diet culture. Will you help me by not talking about or sending me any info on weight loss and diets, including detoxes, cleanses, resets, reboots and any other form of food restriction?

• All this talk about diets and weight feels so oppressive and disempowering. How about we make a pact to no longer discuss these things?

• I respect that you approach food and weight differently than I do. Can we agree to honor each other’s choices and not talk about these topics anymore?

• I’m learning how to eat intuitively and accept my body. I'd appreciate if you supported me in this process by not bringing up anything about diets and weight. If you’d like to learn more, I’m happy to share my experience with you.

Keep in mind that not everyone will remember your request or boundary, understand it or respect it—especially if they’re entrenched in diet culture. Thus, you may have to remind them multiple times, explain it further or be firmer.

Even if your conversations feel uncomfortable and scary, don’t give up.

You have the right to ask for what you need, to have your needs met, and to surround yourself with unconditional support.

Once I Open the Bag, I Can't Stop!

I wonder if you can relate to any of this story?

Ever since she was a kid, Kendra loved barbecue potato chips. They reminded her of summer pool parties, lakeside picnics and backyard cookouts.

When she began dieting in her 20s, she rarely let herself eat them. Her beloved salty snacks had been put on her “bad” foods list.

However, making the chips a forbidden food backfired. Depriving herself of them only intensified her cravings.

Soon they became one of Kendra's "trigger foods."

When she would break down and finally eat the chips, her eating felt out of control.

Once she started crunching away on them, she couldn’t stop. She ate with a sense of urgency, barely even tasting them.

Halfway through the bag, she’d tell herself, “What the hell. I’ve come this far, I might as well keep going since I’m never letting myself have these again. By polishing them off now, I'll be able to get back on track tomorrow.”

As she licked the barbecue seasoning off her fingers, Kendra would be overcome with tremendous guilt and shame.

These feelings, coupled with the overeating, provided her with false evidence that she simply couldn’t be trusted with the chips. She vowed to never let them cross her lips again.

But she couldn’t stop thinking about them!

The Habituation Effect
Feeling obsessed with your forbidden foods is a natural outcome of dieting and deprivation. Telling yourself you can’t have something often makes you want it even more.

When you make foods off limits, whether it’s chocolate, ice cream, bread, chips or fries, it elevates their desirability, reward value and power.

In order to make peace with the chips and stop her restrict-binge-repent-repeat cycle, Kendra needed to experience the habituation effect.

Habituation means the more you eat a particular food, the less appealing and enticing it becomes.

As its novelty and allure wears off, the food becomes neutral. It’s no longer a big deal. You desire it less. (You’ve probably experienced this with leftovers.)

Forbidden-food rules, food restriction and dieting prevent habituation. Lack of habituation, combined with the fear you'll never be able to eat a certain food again, commonly results in intense cravings, overeating and binge eating.

Unconditional Permission to Eat
In the past, Kendra would only allow herself to eat barbecue chips on special occasions since she always ended up losing control and overdoing it.

In order to habituate to the chips, she started to eat them every day, sometimes a few times a day.

At first, Kendra was scared to have the chips around all the time. As she feared, she did continue to overeat them for a while. However, although she didn’t trust herself yet, she did trust the process and stuck with it.

By giving herself unconditional permission to enjoy the chips whenever she wanted and however much she wanted, Kendra was able to neutralize her relationship with them.

Eventually, her desire for the chips diminished. Sometimes she completely forgot they were in her cupboard! When she did want them, she was able to eat an amount that felt just right, completely guilt-free.

Encouraged by the outcome, Kendra slowly started eating her other forbidden foods, gradually rebuilding her self-trust while enjoying a more peaceful, relaxed relationship with food.