Chocolate No Longer Calls to Me All Day Long; I Don't Even Think About It!

My clients are often surprised—if not shocked—to discover they have forgotten about a food that once felt like it had so much power over them.

It sounds something like this:

• I can’t believe I forgot about the cookies in my cupboard!

• My favorite chips went stale before I finished them. That’s a first!

• The chocolate in my pantry no longer calls for me all day long; I don’t even think about it!

• I can’t believe the bread went moldy. It’s never lasted long enough to do that before.

• I was so surprised to find a half-eaten candy bar in my bag that I bought a few weeks ago.
  

This doesn’t happen because my clients are just really forgetful people.

It happens because they started giving themselves unconditional permission to eat.

How Food Loses Its Power
Feeling obsessed with or controlled by food is not a sign of weakness or a lack of willpower and self-discipline. It’s a natural outcome of dieting and deprivation.

When you give yourself unconditional permission to eat what you want when you want (assuming you have access to it), food—especially your forbidden foods—loses its power.

The more you eat a forbidden food and trust that you can have it when you want it, the more its allure and charge wears off.

The food becomes neutral. It’s no longer a big deal.

You enjoy it when you want it and forget about it when you don’t.

Mels's Brownie Story
Here's how my client Mel describes her experience...

"In the past, if my partner made a pan of brownies, I wouldn't have been able to concentrate on work knowing they were on the counter. In fact, I'd sneak into the kitchen multiple times a day to shave a little off the row hoping no one would notice.

Now that I'm letting myself eat sweets whenever I want them and without telling myself I'm being bad or that I have to make up for it by going on a diet or working out more, I don't even think about the brownies until I'm ready to enjoy some dessert with my family.

The experience is so much more satisfying because I no longer feel obsessed, powerless and out of control."

It Will Never Work for Me
It’s completely understandable if you have doubts that this could ever be true for you, especially if you have a long history of dieting and a long list of forbidden foods, food rules and food fears.

My new clients look at me in disbelief when I share stories like these with them. They can’t imagine it for themselves.

Inevitably, as they make peace with food and trust nothing is off-limits, they are pleasantly surprised that they, too, no longer feel preoccupied with, distracted by or controlled by food.

My clients don’t have any magical powers.

What they do have is a deep desire to have a more liberating, satisfying and peaceful relationship with food. If they can achieve this, so can you.

Do You Lick Your Peanut-Butter Knife?

I remember years ago watching a weight-loss episode on a popular talk show. One of the calorie-cutting tips given was to never lick your peanut-butter knife.

This made me feel sad. Very sad.

Who doesn’t love to lick their knife clean after making a PB&J sandwich, almond-butter toast, or bagel with cream cheese?

It’s fun! It’s yummy! It’s super satisfying!

Yet now, in order to be good and successful, I felt I had to give up this simple pleasure along with all the other things I had already made off-limits on my quest to shrink my body.

Harmful, Not Helpful
Every day, we’re bombarded with diet and wellness culture messages like "don't like the peanut-butter knife!" that are often more harmful than helpful.

These messages cause us to be hyper-vigilant about our eating. They result in pointless food rules, restriction and rigidity. They lead to unnecessary fear, anxiety, stress, shame and suffering.

If you bought into the “no knife-licking” rule, yet failed to follow it (which, if you’re like me, is highly likely!), your thoughts may sound something like this:

• Licking this knife is a big no-no—you know that!

• I am being bad, and naughty, and reckless.

• I have no willpower or self-control. No wonder I look the way I do.

• What’s wrong with me? Why can’t I follow one freaking simple rule?

• Ugh, I really hope no one saw me do that.

• I can’t be trusted with peanut butter; I’m going to stop buying it.

• I feel guilty and need to make up for this food sin. No dessert for me tonight!

• I really want to double-dip my knife back into the jar and lick it again.

• Screw it. I’ve come this far, I might as well keep going back for more!

• I shouldn't do this, but licking the knife clean is so much easier than getting peanut butter off my dishcloth!

Does any of this sound familiar, {!firstname_fix}?

Challenge Your Food Rules
I spend a lot of time helping my clients identify and investigate their food rules. 

We deconstruct and challenge them, exploring questions, such as: Where did this rule come from? Is it true? Is it reasonable, sustainable and satisfying? How do you feel and act when you break it? Does it prevent you from being a relaxed, flexible and confident eater? Is it helpful or harmful?

About 99.9 percent of the time, my clients determine their food rules are causing them far more harm than good.

They realize how their rules are creating an unhealthy relationship with food and negatively impacting their physical, mental, emotional and social health.

As my clients start to shed their food rules, a sense of freedom, empowerment, peace and ease surfaces.

Instead of listening to external sources, they begin trusting their intuition, body wisdom and direct experience to guide them.

And they start licking their peanut-butter knife again.

How Has Dieting Diminished Your Life?

While traveling in Morocco a few years ago, I befriended some young folks while staying at their family’s riad (guesthouse).

After asking them about their favorite local foods, they eagerly offered to take me to a roadside café located on the outskirts of their small town to experience “Berber Pizza.”

Made with a double crust, the pizza is typically stuffed with meat and veggies heavily seasoned with ras el hanout, a mixture of numerous spices like cumin, coriander, cardamom, clove, ginger, paprika, turmeric and more.

I opted for the veggie version while my new friends went for the traditional lamb one.

Bursting with flavor, the pizza, along with my affable dining companions and endless cups of sweet mint tea, made for one of my most memorable experiences in Morocco.

Wouldn’t Have Happened
This moment, however, wouldn’t have happened if I had still been entrenched in diet culture.

I likely would have rejected my friends’ generous offer if I were counting calories, shunning gluten or afraid of carbs.

I would have struck out on my own to find something “safe” to eat, something that didn’t break any of my food rules and leave me feeling overindulgent and guilty.

Or, if I had accepted, I probably would have been distracted throughout lunch thinking about how I was going to make up for eating something “off plan,” perhaps by eating less for dinner or going for a run later.

I’m so grateful I worked hard to make peace with food so I could have such an enjoyable, unforgettable experience, and many more like it.

It’s so freeing to be able to share food with others without my inner Food Police trying to spoil the fun—without all the diet culture noise and the unnecessary anxiety, stress and guilt it causes.

Diminished My Life
Sadly, I spent many years skipping social gatherings, special celebrations and once-in-a-lifetime experiences because I feared there wouldn’t be any of my allowed foods or that I would lose control once I started eating.

On the rare occasion I would attend an event involving food, I was often preoccupied thinking about the food I wanted but wasn’t letting myself have, perhaps even devising a plan for how I could sneak some of it to eat in secret later.

Natural Response to Deprivation
Looking back, I have so much compassion for my younger self as I now understand that my thoughts and behaviors were a natural response to food restriction and deprivation. 

Once I stopped dieting and started trusting my body's needs and desires and giving myself unconditional permission to eat, I discovered I could have a relaxed, flexible, peaceful and pleasurable relationship with food—one that truly enriches my life rather than diminishing it.

A Few Things to Reflect On...
In what ways has dieting diminished your life?

How has it stopped you from living fully, especially in pre-pandemic times? Here's what some of my clients have shared.

How would your life expand if you made peace with food? What "Berber Pizza" moments would you get to experience?