I Finished Off the Cake to Save Myself from Eating Badly Tomorrow

I stared at the remaining chocolate cake on the plate.

Although I was full and no longer getting much pleasure from it, I finished it off.

My rationale for doing so was basically:

Let me just get this over with so I can go back to being good tomorrow.

Have you ever had an experience like this, dear reader?

I used to do it all the time with all kinds of foods I considered “bad,” from cake, cookies and chips to pizza, pastries and ice cream.

In my mind, if I got rid of the “bad” food by eating it (throwing it away felt wasteful), then I’d have a better chance of getting back on track the next day.

Calmed My Anxiety
Driven by a deeply entrenched diet mentality, every night I would judge my day of eating as either good or bad.

Knowing a “bad” food wouldn’t be in my house to tempt me tomorrow helped calm my anxiety about having another bad day of eating, especially if I felt I had been on a streak of bad eating days.

It felt reassuring to know I would be able to go to bed tomorrow and feel good about my eating and, ultimately, myself.

Finishing off food for this reason was never an enjoyable eating experience.

Rather, it was my way of saving my future self from negative feelings about myself.

Although I couldn’t see it then, this “looking out for myself” was actually a form of self-protection. I was simply trying to take care of myself.

Eat and Move On
My need to polish off a food so I could start fresh the next day diminished when I challenged my diet mentality and stopped labeling food and my eating as good or bad.

By making all foods morally and emotionally equivalent, I no longer feel compelled to eat something just to get rid of it so I can feel more in control and better about myself the next day.

It’s now easy to wrap up whatever’s remaining to enjoy later because I stopped putting conditions on my eating and don’t feel guilty about eating anything at any time.

This doesn’t mean I never finish something off and reach a point of uncomfortable fullness. I absolutely do!

Sometimes, I’ll make a conscious decision to eat all of the cake or the pizza or the ice cream even though I’m full simply because I’m really enjoying it—not because I’m scared of it.

My intentions have changed and my eating is no longer a big deal. Now, I just eat and move on.

If my “eat it all now to get rid of it” story sounds all too familiar, please know it is possible for you to have a more relaxed, neutral and peaceful relationship with food, too.

I don't have any magical powers. If I can do it, so can you.

Today, I’m Getting Back on Track!

Today, I’m getting back on track!

How many Mondays have you said this to yourself?

How many times have you started your week with promises to eat better, eat less, eat clean, eat perfectly?

If this sounds familiar, you’re so not alone. It used to be my weekly pattern.

On Sunday nights, I would lie in bed regretting how badly I felt I had eaten all weekend.

To quiet my inner food police and alleviate the guilt, shame and anxiety I felt, I’d promise myself that, starting tomorrow, things would be different.

Full of Hope
I’d wake up Monday feeling excited and hopeful about getting my act together.

Often, I’d be “good” and feel in control for the first few days of the week.

By Thursday night, however, things would start to fall apart. My discipline and willpower would begin to diminish.

I’d find myself obsessing about food, giving into my cravings, breaking my food rules, and reuniting with all the “bad” foods I declared off-limits on Monday.

I’d try to fight it for a while, but eventually, I’d just throw my hands in the air exclaiming, “What the hell; I might as well just go for it because come Monday, I’m never letting myself do this again!”

Endless Cycle
Every weekend became a Last Supper.

It was an endless, exhausting cycle.

When I finally hit rock bottom and realized how damaging my diet mentality was, I began taking steps toward healing my relationship with food and my body.

This included breaking up with diet culture, ditching my diet mentality and food rules, and learning how to trust my body and eat intuitively again.

Of course, this didn’t happen overnight.

Intuitive Eating is not a quick fix. It is, however, a pathway to freedom.

Since there are no rules and no illegal foods, there's no possibility of being bad, failing the plan and getting thrown in dieting jail.

No Wagon
Now, Mondays are just another day for me.

The idea of “getting back on track” doesn’t enter my mind on the first day—or any day—of the week.

I always tell my clients you can’t fall off the wagon with Intuitive Eating because there is no wagon!

Not Your Fault
Engaging in the “I’m getting back on track” mindset is nothing to feel bad or ashamed about.

It’s a practice we learn from our $72 billion diet industry—a pervasive, insidious and oppressive industry that profits from you feeling crappy about your eating and your body.

The good news is: you have a choice. You can keep hopping on and off the wagon. Or you can ditch the wagon all together.

I’ve Wasted So Much Time Thinking About Food and My Body

I’ve wasted so much time thinking about food and my body!

Does this sound familiar?

If so, you’re not alone.

It’s a frustration expressed by many of my clients. One I can really relate to as well.

Years ago, when I was determined to change my diet and weight, a huge chunk of my time, energy and headspace went toward obsessing about my body, eating and exercise.

Countless days and nights were spent online researching weight-loss strategies, dieting tricks, healthy eating tips, and fat-burning workouts.

I wasted many minutes meticulously tracking calories consumed and burned (this was before all the fancy gadgets and apps that now do the math for you) then judging myself as either good or bad depending upon my bottom line.

I fretted away hours thinking about how to avoid social situations that could potentially tempt me with forbidden foods and cause me to lose control.

I was consumed by intense cravings for my off-limits foods and depleted from exerting so much eating restraint.

I was often swept away by the shame spiral I felt when I fell off the wagon then was distracted strategizing how I could make up for my food sins.

Incessant Noise in My Head
No matter where I was at or who I was with, I constantly thought about how my body looked, the number on the scale, what I should or shouldn’t be eating, and what my next meal and workout would look like.

This incessant noise in my head prevented me from truly being engaged with life and present for those around me.

My preoccupation with my weight, food and exercise pretty much became a 24x7 job.

I had very little left to give to the much more important aspects of my life, like my relationships, social life, career, spirituality and hobbies.

I truly believed obtaining the perfect diet and body would enrich my life. When, in reality, it sucked all the life out of it.

Tired of Wasting My Life
After a lot of unnecessary suffering, I finally reached a point where I didn’t want to waste my life anymore being held hostage by my diet mentality, anti-fat bias, and long list of exercise and food rules.

Instead of devoting all my precious resources to micromanaging my eating and manipulating my size, I devoted them to breaking up with diet culture and healing the deep wounds it had caused.

With commitment, compassion and patience, I was able to cultivate a peaceful, balanced relationship with food and my body.

In doing so, I freed up an incredible amount of time, energy and headspace for more meaningful, fulfilling pursuits, including helping others escape diet culture and reclaim their life.

What Freedom Looks Like
Here’s how a few of my clients lives have changed:

“I fell back in love with reading, inhaling 23 fiction and nonfiction books across 3 months. My attention span has strengthened, and I've noticed I can sit quietly during movies and thoughtful conversations and go hours without thinking about food.

Most importantly, my husband and sister mention repeatedly how thankful they are that I regained space in my mind to keep their needs equal with mine, allowing them to lean on me in hard times (vs. years of non-stop obsession and talking about my weight, diet and fitness).” –Ellen C. (who has since also enrolled in a creative writing course)

“Since I don’t obsess over food anymore, it’s not constantly on my mind, which has allowed me to focus my energy on other things, like work, relationships and being active. I used to stress about food all the time and now I hardly think about it. I feel like a big weight has been lifted off of my shoulders.” –Natalie F.

“I’m more relaxed, happier and focused on enjoying my life rather than the continual weight and diet issues that consumed me prior to doing this work.” –Jennifer S.

How Would Your Life Change?
With all the New Year’s resolution talk about diets, detoxes, reboots and resets, it’s understandably very tempting to jump on the bandwagon.

Before you do, consider if it will truly help you create the relationship with food and your body you long for.

If you feel like you already waste a lot of time and energy obsessing about your eating, workouts and weight, know that engaging with a diet/wellness/lifestyle plan that includes food rules, dietary restrictions and exercise regimens will only exacerbate your preoccupation.

I encourage you to pause and ask yourself: Is this how I want to spend my precious resources? How would my life change if I didn’t spend so much time and energy thinking about this stuff? What would be possible?

Wishing you peace, love and joy in 2020!