Bye Bye TV, Gossiping and Body Bashing

Are you a lover of learning? 

I am. 

My curious mind and insatiable appetite for knowledge coupled with my deep desire to support my clients in living the best life possible means I’m constantly absorbing new information and learning fresh ways to help others thrive. 

Most recently, I embarked on a yearlong journey to obtain my certification in positive psychology, the scientific study of individual and societal happiness and flourishing. 

As a part of my training, I flew to the East Coast for a weeklong immersion in March. While killing time at an airport bookstore, I spent a few moments scanning the covers of women and men's magazines (e.g., fashion, fitness, health, etc.). I was quite disturbed and saddened by what I saw. 

The extreme exploitation and objectification of women reminded me of why I stopped reading these magazines (along with celebrity pubs) years ago. I don't like their negative messaging—mainly that a woman’s value lies in her youth, beauty, body shape and sexuality. Nor do I like the feelings of inadequacy and deficiency they are designed to provoke. I don't want to waste my time and pollute my mind with them.

Bye Bye TV, Gossiping and Body Bashing
I’ve made other changes over the years to diminish the negativity in my life so that I can preserve my energy for more fulfilling, positive pursuits. For example:

• I limited my news exposure (research has found that people who frequently tune into the news have higher levels of stress, anxiety, fear and pain)
   

• I discontinued watching TV, with the exception of an occasional program that is super inspiring and/or informative, like Oprah's Super Soul Sunday or a PBS documentary
   

• I stopped viewing violent movies 
   

• I greatly reduced my complaining, gossiping and judging 
   

• I quit speaking negatively about my body to others and myself 

Of course, some of these changes were easier than others. I’d much rather read a good book than watch TV. And some were more challenging, like no longer criticizing my body.

As a result of ridding these toxins from my world, I feel incredibly lighter and more balanced, relaxed, peaceful and joyful. And, well, much more positive.

How Does Negativity Contaminate Your Life?
Take a moment to do this quick negativity inventory:

• What sources of negativity contaminate your life?
   

• How are they impacting your health and wellbeing?
   

• What steps can you take to remove or reduce them?
   

• Which one can you start addressing immediately?
   

• How will you feel when you decrease your toxic load?

I've also taken numerous actions to boost the positivity in my life, like keeping a daily gratitude journal. We'll dive deeper into positivity boosters another time.

Do You Control Your Appetite?

Naturally, after recently bragging to a gym mate about how I hadn't been sick in years, I was struck down with a nasty flu bug. My long list of symptoms included zero appetite. Not only was I not hungry, everything I ate tasted awful.

After nearly two weeks, I knew I was on the road to recovery when I woke up with a voracious appetite. It felt so good to feel hungry again. It felt exquisite to once again experience pleasure from food.

Controlling Appetite
This experience prompted me to reflect on the importance of appetite. So often, people ask me how they can control or suppress their appetite. It's common to view our appetite as the enemy, something that can't be trusted, something to fear, something that must be controlled.

When you think about it, however, your appetite is essential for life. It keeps you alive by telling you it's time to eat. Fighting it simply goes against the laws of nature.

Fighting your appetite often leads to intense cravings, overeating and binge eating. And, fighting anything puts your body in the physiologic stress response.

Yet, so many of us have been trained to believe that having an appetite is bad and that controlling it is good.

In Caroline Knapp's book, Appetites, she speaks of our culturally conditioned suspicion that "hungers themselves are somehow invalid or wrong, that indulgences must be earned and paid for, that the satisfaction of appetites often comes with a bill...appetites are at best risky, at worst impermissible...yielding to hunger may be permissible under certain conditions, but most likely it's something to be Earned or Monitored and Controlled. A controlled appetite, prerequisite for slenderness, connotes beauty, desirability, worthiness."

Your Appetite: Friend or Foe?
What's your relationship like with your appetite? Is it your friend or foe? Do you trust it, fight it, ignore it, override it? Are you grateful for it, or frustrated by it? Do you feel anxious when it calls, powerful when you restrain it, or weak when you cave into it?

Finding Your Natural Appetite
While it may take some time, it is possible to cultivate a relaxed, life-affirming relationship with your appetite. Doing so requires tuning into the wisdom of your body and trusting it to guide you--not some external forces or a belief that wanting food says anything about who you are as a person.  

Why I Lived on an Apple and Candy Bar a Day...

Yesterday's holiday stirred up some poignant memories. 

When I was 12 years old, I spent hours in a department store with my mom desperately searching every rack for the perfect green shirt to wear to school on St. Patrick's Day. It was the night before and, with empty hands, I quickly spiraled into a state of distress. Without the perfect shirt, I was absolutely convinced my entire holiday would be ruined.

Funny thing is, I can't remember anything about the actual holiday. But my memory of how distraught I felt is crystal clear. At such a young age, I was completely hitching my happiness to external things. Over time, the perfect shirt turned into the perfect hair and, eventually, the perfect body. 

In junior high, if my hair didn't look just right, I spent the entire day in a funk. I remember pointing out to friends how awful it looked. It was critical that I acknowledged it first before they had a chance to say anything (the perfect strategy for protecting myself from my own imaginary ideas about what they were thinking!).

My Apple and Candy Bar Diet
My obsession with obtaining the perfect body escalated in high school. The most intense months were after my boyfriend broke up with me. I lived on an apple and candy bar a day. I figured if I was skinnier, he would regret dumping such a hot chick and come crawling back. Being skinny meant I would be more acceptable, desirable, lovable and cool--basically boyfriend-worthy and bulletproof.

My boyfriend did come back, but the size of my jeans didn't stop my heart from being broken again and again.

A 20-Ton Shield
My never-ending quest for perfection is defined so well by Brene Brown, researcher and author of The Gifts of Imperfection:

"Perfectionism is the belief that if we live perfectly, look perfectly and act perfectly, we can avoid the pain of blame, judgment and shame. It's a 20-ton shield that we lug around thinking it will protect us when, in fact, it's the thing that's really preventing us from taking flight."

Body Bashing Banned
In recent years, I've been releasing my deeply ingrained beliefs regarding perfectionism, especially when it comes to my body. No longer are my days consumed and ruined by my body bashing. No longer does all my energy and headspace go toward fixing it. Naturally, I want a strong, healthy body but I no longer believe I will be healthier, happier or more lovable when I fit into my skinny jeans.

I've made peace with my reflection in the mirror. I won't lie; it wasn't easy. Not at first. But I kept at it. Whenever I caught myself going down the path of self-attack, I hit the breaks and turned toward love. As a result, I feel lighter in my body even though my body hasn’t changed, but more importantly, I feel lighter in my heart.

Is your quest for the perfect body, weight, diet, workout regime, relationship, job, or whatever stopping you from taking flight?