WTH, I'm on Vacation!

From baguette after baguette loaded with brie in France to bowls and bowls of guacamole and chips in Mexico, I can recall many trips taken years ago when my food decisions were driven by a “WTH, I’m on vacation!” mindset.

In my head, my reasoning sounded something like “I rarely let myself have these foods but since I’m on vacation, I’m going to give myself permission to indulge. And, you better believe I’m going to go for it because once I’m back home, these foods will be off-limits again.”

I’d inevitably return from vacation feeling uncomfortable in my body and anxious to make up for the “damage” I had done.

My so-called free pass to indulge wasn’t truly free as I believed I had to compensate for my actions. This is, after all, what diet culture teaches us.

Think about it: How many times have you or someone you’re vacationing with said “I’m really going to have to make up for all this eating when I get home!” or “My diet starts the day I return!”? 

Food Lost Its Power
Once I started giving myself unconditional permission to eat whatever I wanted whenever I wanted, with guidance from my hunger, fullness and satisfaction cues, I stopped approaching my vacation eating what a WTH mentality.

Since I ditched all my food rules, I no longer have anything to rebel against or feel guilty about.

As nothing is forbidden anymore, food has lost its high reward value and power over me. It’s no longer an obsession, indulgence or something I only permit myself to have in certain situations, like while on vacation.

No Need to Go for It
Of course, I still get excited to try the local specialties and take tremendous pleasure in doing so. It’s one of my favorite parts of traveling.

But because there’s no threat of future deprivation—that is, a post-vacation diet, detox, cleanse, fast, reset, reboot, return to clean eating, etc.—I don’t feel the need to “go for it,” which is a natural human response when restriction is looming around the corner.

This doesn’t mean I don’t sometimes eat past comfortable fullness. I absolutely do, especially when something is really delicious and truly unavailable back home.

The difference now is that when I feel overly full, I just move on rather than ruminate on what I once believed was a lack of self-control and a transgression I needed to punish myself for.

And because I’m no longer preoccupied with my eating, I’m able to be so much more present during my travels, which makes for a much more enjoyable experience for everyone involved.

With the world opening up again and many of us taking much-needed vacations this summer, I encourage you to remember that, despite what diet culture wants you to believe, you do not need special permission to eat what you want, you do not have to feel guilty about your choices, and you do not ever have to make up for your eating.

How I Stopped My Negative Body Talk

Many years ago, while getting dressed to go on a hike, I caught my reflection in the mirror and was, once again, unhappy with what I saw. My negative body talk was off and running, completely consuming my thoughts as I drove to one of my favorite trails.

My plan to enjoy a lovely day of hiking along the coast became tainted by the relentless voice in my head telling me that my body was a problem that needed to be fixed.

Completely Fed Up
While I had struggled with negative thoughts about my body for decades, this time I hit the tipping point.

I could not go on this way.

I was completely fed up with hating my body.

I was done wasting so much of my life at war with my body and decided, once and for all, to do something about it.

And for the first time ever, doing something didn’t mean changing my body. It meant changing my relationship with it.

No More Body Bashing
One of the first steps I took was changing my internal body talk.

When I stepped out of the shower, instead of dodging my reflection in the bathroom mirror and running for cover under a towel to avoid a distressing body-bashing session, I opened the shower curtain and faced my reflection head-on.

I practiced gazing at my body without ruthlessly picking it apart, without zooming in on my perceived flaws, without judging and agonizing over what I had been conditioned to believe was wrong.

Instead of thinking “My stomach is disgusting” or “I hate my thighs,” I simply thought “This is my body.”

I didn’t try to make the leap from body loathing to body love, from body negativity to body positivity. Nor did I force myself to say positive affirmations. There’s nothing wrong with any of these things; they just felt very inaccessible and insincere for where I was at.

Instead, I focused on what felt attainable. I aimed for a neutral place to land.

“This is my body” felt about as neutral as I could get.

I still often didn’t like what I saw in the mirror, but unconditional body acceptance wasn’t my initial goal. Ending my negative body talk—and the downward shame spiral it triggered—was.

By swapping negativity with neutrality, I no longer got swept away by my critical thoughts. I was able to stop focusing and fixating on my body and just move on with my day.

One of Many Steps
Of course, changing my body talk didn’t come quickly or easily. And it was just one of many challenging and necessary steps I needed to take to make peace with my body and embrace our inherent body diversity.

Certainly, divesting from diet culture and uprooting my anti-fat bias were absolutely essential, major steps.

And while I refer to all these actions as steps, they are really ongoing practices that enable me to be as resilient and inclusive as possible in a world that’s constantly lying to us about what our bodies are supposed to look like to be considered acceptable, healthy, worthy and valuable.

Neutralizing my internal body talk was a starting place for me. Perhaps it can be for you, too.

Why Your Eating Feels Out of Control at Night

Does your eating feel out of control at night?

If yes, you’re not alone.

Many people have shared with me that they feel like they eat “good” all day, yet come nighttime, their eating often feels “out of control.”

There are many very valid reasons why this might be. Here are a few:

1/ Undereating
Most often, feeling out of control with food at night is due to not eating enough throughout the day.

When your nourishment needs aren’t met, perhaps because you’re dieting, restricting certain foods or too busy to eat, your very wise body will do everything it can to make up for this deprivation.

You may find yourself experiencing intense cravings, feeling preoccupied with food, eating faster than usual, overriding your fullness cues and eating in a way that feels binge-like.

None of this is due to a lack of willpower or self-discipline. It’s a normal compensatory reaction; your body’s natural response to physical and psychological deprivation.

2/ Dissatisfaction
Satisfaction is an essential component of the eating experience. If you don’t experience much satisfaction from your meals and snacks, you will naturally seek more food, even if you’re not hungry.

There are many reasons why your eating may be unsatisfying, such as denying yourself what you truly want, a lack of access to the foods you desire, not eating a variety of foods, not having time to enjoy your meals and being distracted while eating.

3/ Pleasure Deficiency
One of the gifts of food is the pleasure it can provide.

As humans, we’re wired to seek pleasure thus if you don’t experience much pleasure during your daytime hours, you may find yourself turning to food at night to fill this void.

This is completely understandable, especially considering how easily accessible and instantly rewarding food can be compared to many other forms of pleasure.

4/ Revved-Up Nervous System
If your life is very busy or chaotic, you may often feel overextended and overwhelmed. The rhythmic act of eating can be very soothing and grounding. It’s a helpful way to calm your revved-up nervous system and center yourself when you feel anxious, stressed or scattered.

5/ Me Time Shortage
Whether it's with your job or your family—or both, if you spend most of your day taking care of other people’s needs, you’re likely short on me time. Enjoying some yummy food, once everyone else is tucked in or logged off, is a way to do something special just for yourself.

Very Valid Reasons
There are always very valid reasons why you do what you do with food and these are just a few of the many factors that might be at play.

By viewing your eating through the lenses of compassion and curiosity, instead of judgment and criticism, you will gain a better understanding of what needs you’re trying to take care of when your eating feels out of control at night.

It's important to also keep in mind that there is absolutely nothing wrong with eating at any time of day or night.

And, despite what our diet culture wants you to believe, it’s totally okay to eat when you’re not hungry, including eating for emotional reasons or for just pure pleasure.