Why Your Eating Feels Out of Control at Night

Does your eating feel out of control at night?

If yes, you’re not alone.

Many people have shared with me that they feel like they eat “good” all day, yet come nighttime, their eating often feels “out of control.”

There are many very valid reasons why this might be. Here are a few:

1/ Undereating
Most often, feeling out of control with food at night is due to not eating enough throughout the day.

When your nourishment needs aren’t met, perhaps because you’re dieting, restricting certain foods or too busy to eat, your very wise body will do everything it can to make up for this deprivation.

You may find yourself experiencing intense cravings, feeling preoccupied with food, eating faster than usual, overriding your fullness cues and eating in a way that feels binge-like.

None of this is due to a lack of willpower or self-discipline. It’s a normal compensatory reaction; your body’s natural response to physical and psychological deprivation.

2/ Dissatisfaction
Satisfaction is an essential component of the eating experience. If you don’t experience much satisfaction from your meals and snacks, you will naturally seek more food, even if you’re not hungry.

There are many reasons why your eating may be unsatisfying, such as denying yourself what you truly want, a lack of access to the foods you desire, not eating a variety of foods, not having time to enjoy your meals and being distracted while eating.

3/ Pleasure Deficiency
One of the gifts of food is the pleasure it can provide.

As humans, we’re wired to seek pleasure thus if you don’t experience much pleasure during your daytime hours, you may find yourself turning to food at night to fill this void.

This is completely understandable, especially considering how easily accessible and instantly rewarding food can be compared to many other forms of pleasure.

4/ Revved-Up Nervous System
If your life is very busy or chaotic, you may often feel overextended and overwhelmed. The rhythmic act of eating can be very soothing and grounding. It’s a helpful way to calm your revved-up nervous system and center yourself when you feel anxious, stressed or scattered.

5/ Me Time Shortage
Whether it's with your job or your family—or both, if you spend most of your day taking care of other people’s needs, you’re likely short on me time. Enjoying some yummy food, once everyone else is tucked in or logged off, is a way to do something special just for yourself.

Very Valid Reasons
There are always very valid reasons why you do what you do with food and these are just a few of the many factors that might be at play.

By viewing your eating through the lenses of compassion and curiosity, instead of judgment and criticism, you will gain a better understanding of what needs you’re trying to take care of when your eating feels out of control at night.

It's important to also keep in mind that there is absolutely nothing wrong with eating at any time of day or night.

And, despite what our diet culture wants you to believe, it’s totally okay to eat when you’re not hungry, including eating for emotional reasons or for just pure pleasure.

Break Free From Your Exercise Police!

Do you need to break free from your Exercise Police?

Like your internal Food Police, the voices in your head that try to enforce food moralism and the harmful food rules our diet and wellness cultures have created, your inner Exercise Police are the voices in your head that try to enforce rules regarding what is and isn’t acceptable when it comes to movement.

Your Exercise Police may sound something like this…

• It’s not really exercise unless you get your heart rate up or break a sweat.

• You must work out for at least X minutes, otherwise it doesn’t count.

• You can’t stop until you go a certain distance or burn a specific number of calories.

• If you skip a workout, you need to eat less to make up for it.

• No matter how your body is feeling, you have to do the workout you planned.

• It’s not worth it if it doesn’t burn very many calories.

• If you don’t work out today, you’ll have to work out twice as hard tomorrow.

• You don’t have the right body for that type of exercise.

• If you ate “badly,” you have to work out to make up for it.

• If you want a “bad” food, you have to work out to earn it.

• If you don’t exercise, you’re bad, lazy, undisciplined and unhealthy.

• If it doesn’t result in weight loss, there’s no point in doing it.

Does any of this sound familiar? I bet you can think of some rules that aren't on this list. I could have gone on and on!

Squash Joy and Connection
When your Exercise Police are driving your decision-making, you may find yourself frequently ignoring the messages your body is sending you, like pain or fatigue, to adhere to your exercise rules.

You may also find yourself feeling less motivated to move, dreading your workouts, pushing your body beyond its limits, experiencing frequent injuries, exercising when you’re sick, or prioritizing exercise over friends and family.

With their very black-and-white, all-or-nothing approach to movement, your Exercise Police likely amplify your stress rather than alleviate it, leave you feeling depleted instead of invigorated, and make you feel guilty and ashamed when you break a rule.

Basically, your Exercise Police suck all the fun and joy out of movement and disconnect you from your innate body wisdom.

How to Break Free
The good news is that you can break free from your Exercise Police by recognizing their presence, challenging their commands, defying their rules, and giving yourself permission to experiment with other possibilities based on what feels right to you.

Instead of adhering to external rules, plans or authorities when it comes to movement (and eating!), listen to your internal cues. This means checking in with your body and honoring what it’s needing and desiring.

Perhaps it’s gentle stretching instead of a fast-paced yoga class, a relaxing walk versus a vigorous run, or a kitchen dance party rather than a boot-camp workout.

Or maybe it’s a rest day, a soak in the tub, or a nap!

Joyful, Intuitive Movement
To help you cultivate a relationship with movement that’s joyful, flexible, balanced and intuitive, ask yourself questions, such as:

• What is my body truly needing and desiring right now?

• What’s my motivation, what am I hoping this activity will do for me?

• If this activity had zero capacity to decrease my weight, would I still do it?

• How is this movement making me feel?

• Does this feel kind and respectful to my body?

• Does this feel pleasurable or punitive?

• Is this alleviating or amplifying my stress?

• Is this energizing or exhausting me?

• What would a more flexible, intuitive approach look like?

• Am I having fun right now? If not, what would be more fun?

There are a million ways to move your body. Why do something that doesn’t feel good or you don’t enjoy? 

It's important, however, to remember that it's a privilege to even have a choice whether or not to engage in movement. And for some, exercise may never feel good or joyful for a variety of different reasons from a chronic condition to just simply hating it.

If this is the case for you, yet you want to experience some of the benefits of movement, then I encourage you to pick whatever feels the most tolerable and pair it with something that makes it a bit more tolerable, like a favorite friend, show or podcast.

Beware of Exercise Moralism
Despite what our diet, wellness and fitness cultures want us to believe, exercise isn’t a moral obligation.

How you choose to move your body, including choosing to not exercise at all, isn’t a reflection of your moral character. 

Just like with food, your exercise choices do not make you a good or bad person or superior or inferior.

What matters most is that you honor what works the best for you and feels the best for your body

Please Don't Comment on My Weight

Years ago, when I was obsessed with losing weight, people frequently complimented my self-discipline and smaller body.

Although well-intentioned, what they didn’t realize was that their praise further fueled my disordered relationship with food and exercise.

It also intensified my fatphobia and reinforced the false belief that my “after” body was better than my “before” body.

When I regained the weight, people made comments to me about this, too.

Their remarks amplified the shame I felt about not being able to keep the weight off and made me want to hide from the world. They also triggered a desire to start undereating and overexercising again.

I didn’t know at the time that my experience was typical, that about 95 percent of dieters regain the weight they lose. Maybe if I had, I would have felt less shame and more self-compassion.

I also didn’t know that it’s inappropriate to comment on someone’s body without their consent. Doing so is so normalized in our culture, that I never stopped to question it, until I realized how harmful it can be.

How to Respond
Whether someone says "I'm concerned about your weight gain" or “You look great! Have you lost weight?” or “Wow, you’ve really packed on the pounds!” the main implications are that your weight is one of the most important things about you and that a smaller body is a better body, which, despite what our toxic diet culture wants us to believe, is completely untrue.

It’s often hard to know how to respond to comments like these. Following are a handful of responses to try out.

• Please don’t comment on my body without my consent.

• I don’t talk about anyone’s weight, including my own.

• My weight is the least interesting thing about me! Let’s talk about more interesting things.

• I feel uncomfortable talking about my weight. Would you be willing to not bring it up again?

• It’s not okay to comment on someone’s body size, including mine.

• Your comment is inappropriate. My body is nobody’s business.

• I don’t focus on my weight and would like you to do the same.

• Ew, it’s kinda creepy that you’re monitoring my body.

• My weight is not up for discussion, now or ever.

• Who made it your job to track my weight?

• Please don’t bring up my weight without my permission.

• I know you mean well, but your comments are unhelpful.

• (Shrug) It’s normal for bodies to change.

Do What's Best for You
Responding to weight comments can feel awkward and these replies may not roll off your tongue the first few times you use them. I still get tongue-tied sometimes.

I encourage you to experiment with them, modify them, or use them as a jumping off point for creating responses that best suit your needs.

In time, you will land on a few replies that work well for you. Of course, how you respond or if you respond at all will depend on the situation you’re in.

Unless you have the time, energy and desire to engage in a larger conversation about why weight comments are inappropriate and harmful, I suggest responding briefly then switching the topic. You don’t owe anyone an explanation or an education.

If you don’t feel up to saying anything or comfortable or safe doing so, shrugging, changing the subject or walking away might be the best path to take. Again, you don't owe anyone anything.

Lastly, it’s important to keep in mind that when someone comments on your weight, it says far more about them and their own internalized weight bias than it does about you and your body.