I Thought I had to Earn the Right to Eat

As I was standing in line at my favorite bakery following a Sunday morning run, the woman next to me exclaimed:

Well, you certainly deserve a pastry! You've earned it!

Years ago, when I was stuck in diet mentality, I would have completely agreed with her.

Back then, I believed in order to enjoy a scone, muffin or cinnamon roll, I had to earn the right to, usually by eating “clean” and exercising excessively.

It was only after consuming many bunches of greens and running many sweaty miles, that I’d give myself permission to sink my teeth into a buttery baked good without feeling guilty or ashamed. I had worked hard for it!

Earning the Right to Eat
Do you ever feel like you have to earn the right to eat something in particular or to eat at all? Do you question whether or not you deserve to?

It often looks something like this:

• I had a big lunch at the restaurant so I shouldn’t eat much for dinner, even though I’m really hungry.

• I’m going to diet for the next few weeks so I can eat whatever I want on vacation.

• With a body like mine, I don’t deserve to eat what skinny people can get away with.

• I had a really hard day today; I’m entitled to this ice cream!

• I really overdid it on the Halloween candy, so no dessert for me this week.

• Since I skipped my workout this morning, carbs are off-limits today.

• I’m not allowed to eat certain foods until I lose weight.

• I’m celebrating my birthday tonight so I need to burn some serious calories at the gym this morning.

An Oppressive Belief System
Our diet culture’s “earn it and burn it” mindset is damaging and dangerous.

It fuels diet mentality, drives disordered eating and, ultimately, negatively impacts your physical, mental, emotional and social health.

The idea that you have to earn the right to eat is an oppressive belief system created by diet culture. It causes you to obsess about what you shouldn’t eat and punish yourself for your "bad" choices rather than trust your inherent ability to nourish yourself.

You Deserve to Eat—No Matter What
There is nothing in the world that makes you unworthy of food.

Despite what diet culture wants you to believe, your eating does not have to be earned or paid for. 

You have the right to consume whatever you want, whenever you want and however much you want. 

You have the right to eat what looks good, tastes good and feels good in your body.

You deserve to eat without judgment, guilt or shame.

You deserve to eat without justifying, questioning, monitoring, moralizing, counting and compensating.

You deserve to eat with ease, freedom and gusto.

You deserve to eat no matter what.

It's your birthright.

Innate Capacity to Trust Your Body
Like all humans, you were born with the innate capacity to trust your body, your appetite, your instincts and your desires.

Diet culture disconnects you from this inner knowing. But you can reclaim it.

You can start by noticing when you question if you've earned the right to eat or if you deserve to eat. When that voice in your head pops up, hit the brakes and challenge your thinking.

Ask yourself: Where did this belief come from? Is it true? Is it based on my inner cues or external rules? Is it helpful or harmful? Is it driving a fraught, disordered relationship with food or a peaceful, trusting, pleasurable one? 

This type of self-inquiry will help you free yourself from our oppressive diet culture and empower you to reclaim your ability to eat intuitively so you can spend your time, energy and headspace on more fulfilling, meaningful pursuits.

Have You Ever Fallen into the One-Last-Diet Trap?

Have you ever fallen into the one-last-diet trap? It looks something like this:

• Even though I always gain the weight back, I have a strong feeling that this diet will be different.

• I’ll just do this one last diet, lose the weight for good, and then I’ll deal with my food issues.

• I’ve sworn off dieting, but so many of my coworkers are raving about their success on this new diet, I think I’ll give it a try.

• I’m going to be really good this time so this will be the last diet I’ll ever need to do.

• Let me just lose some quick pounds so I can leave dieting behind and start focusing on dating and job hunting.

Ignores the Facts
While the desire to lose weight is completely understandable given our weight-stigmatizing culture and its obsession with unrealistic body standards and tendency to equate thinness with health, falling into the one-last-diet trap ignores the fact that diets don’t work for most people.

There is not one study that shows that any intentional weight loss program leads to long-term weight loss.

Instead, research has found that 95 percent of dieters eventually regain the weight they lost and up to two-thirds gain back more than they lost.

Rebound weight gain is not due to a lack of willpower, poor self-discipline, or not following the right diet. Your body isn’t wired for restriction. It’s wired for survival.

When you deprive your body of food, it thinks it’s being subjected to a famine and will do everything it can to survive. This includes triggering numerous compensatory processes, such as hormonal changes that increase appetite and decrease metabolism

Dieting’s Dark Side
While almost any diet can result in initial short-term weight loss (hence their allure!), the most predictable outcome of dieting is weight cycling (yo-yo dieting), which can have a detrimental impact on your physical and mental health. 

Not only can dieting result in weight cycling, it can also lead to food and body preoccupation, intense food cravings, chronic overeating, binge eating, secret eating, disordered eating, eating disorders, guilt, shame, anxiety, depression, low self-esteem, social isolation, reduced metabolism, elevated cholesterol and more.

I love what the originators of Intuitive Eating have to say about the futility of dieting and the harm it can cause:

“If dieting programs had to stand up to the same scrutiny as medication, they would never be allowed for public consumption. Imagine, for example, taking an asthma medication, which improves your breathing for a few weeks, but in the long run, causes your lungs and breathing to worsen.”

Be Informed, Be Honest
As I said, the desire to diet and lose weight is completely understandable.

However, I think it’s critical that before embarking on yet another diet, you are fully informed of ALL the potential outcomes—especially all the stuff the diet ads and success stories don’t warn you about.

I also think it’s important to be really honest with yourself when it comes to your own personal experience with dieting.

Would you describe it as successful?

How has it affected you physically, mentally, emotionally and socially?

How has it impacted your relationship with food and your body?

Is it truly aligned with what you value the most in your life?

Dieting Won’t Bring You Peace
If you want a more peaceful and accepting relationship with your body, it can’t be achieved through dieting.

Rather than put all your energy toward depriving yourself for a short-term result, what if you put it towards healing your relationship with food and your body so you can avoid the traps and get off the dieting roller coaster once and for all?

I’m Being So Bad! I’m Not Supposed to be Eating This!

A few years ago, while dishing up a bowl of oatmeal in the buffet line at a retreat center, a guest next to me was adding fresh berries to her granola.

As she drizzled honey on top of the fruit, she turned to me and said, “I’m being so bad! I’m not supposed to be eating this!”

Her comment caught me off guard.

Uncertain how to respond, I just smiled at her and went about my breakfast-gathering business.

Hoping to Hear
I’m not exactly sure what response the woman was looking for, but I have a few ideas.

It’s possible she was hoping for some reassurance that she and her actions were okay, that she wouldn’t get caught cheating on her diet or completely go to pot after eating an apparently forbidden food.

Maybe she felt that by confessing her food sin she’d be absolved of the guilt she was feeling.

Perhaps she wanted me to give her some sort of permission, like, “Hey, you only live once—go for it!” or “Heck, you work hard, you deserve it!”

Or she might have been hoping for a bonding moment, a shared experience of being bad. Something along the lines of: “I hear ya. I’m going to pay for eating all these carbs!”

A Lasting Impression
Although it lasted only a few seconds, the encounter left a lasting impression on me.

I was struck by her need to call attention to her food choice, especially to me, a complete stranger. It was as if she was trying to say: “I know better! I rarely eat like this so please don’t judge me based on this one food crime.”

The entire episode left me feeling a little sad.

I could actually really relate to what the woman was experiencing because I saw myself in her when I was imprisoned in the diet mentality.

Our Oppressive Diet Culture
This is what our toxic diet culture has done to us.

It has convinced us that there are good and bad foods and that we’re either good or bad depending upon which list we choose from.

It’s made us believe our choices are a reflection of our character, morality, willpower and intelligence.

It has conditioned us to feel guilty and ashamed of our innate human desire to eat and enjoy pleasurable food.

It’s trained us to think we need to apologize and atone for our so-called eating transgressions.

And, it’s caused us to spend an insane amount of time, energy and headspace thinking about what we should or shouldn’t eat.

Designed to Keep Us in Line
Food moralism is designed by an oppressive system to keep us in line. In our attempt to be obedient and follow the rules, many of us have developed a really disordered relationship with food and our body.

It doesn’t have to be this way.

At any moment, you can decide to defy diet culture and reclaim your power.

Perhaps your first step is simply becoming more aware of when you judge your eating—and yourself—as good or bad. Start to question whether this is really true and if such labeling is helpful or harmful.

Stealing is Bad; Eating Food Isn’t
If I could go back in time to that buffet line, I would look at that woman with compassion and empathy and say something that may have helped her view the situation and her beliefs differently, something like:

Are you stealing the food? No? Well, then there’s absolutely no reason to feel bad or guilty. Truly. Enjoy your breakfast. Lick the bowl clean. Don't look back.