How Do You Control Your Appetite?

Naturally, after bragging about how I never get sick to a gym mate, I was struck down with a nasty flu bug. My long list of symptoms included zero appetite. Not only was I not hungry, everything I ate tasted awful. 

After nearly two weeks, I knew I was on the road to recovery when I woke up one morning with a voracious appetite. It felt so good to feel hungry and get pleasure from food again.

Controlling Appetite
My experience prompted me to reflect on the importance of appetite. 

Every day, we're bombarded with messages about how to control, suppress or conquer our appetite. Thus, it's no surprise that many of us view our appetite as the enemy, something that can't be trusted, something to fear, something that must be controlled.

When you think about it, however, your appetite is essential for life. It keeps you alive by telling you it's time to eat. Fighting it simply goes against the laws of nature. 

Fighting your appetite also leads to cravings, binge eating and overeating. And, fighting anything puts your body in the physiologic stress response, which increases cortisol, a hormone that, when constantly elevated, contributes to adverse health conditions.

Yet, so many of us have been trained to believe that having an appetite is bad and that controlling it is good. 

In Caroline Knapp's book, Appetites, she speaks of our culturally conditioned suspicion that "hungers themselves are somehow invalid or wrong, that indulgences must be earned and paid for, that the satisfaction of appetites often comes with a bill...

...appetites are at best risky, at worst impermissible...yielding to hunger may be permissible under certain conditions, but most likely it's something to be Earned or Monitored and Controlled. A controlled appetite, prerequisite for slenderness, connotes beauty, desirability, worthiness."

Your Appetite: Friend or Foe?
How would you describe your relationship with your appetite?

Is it your friend or foe? Do you trust it, fight it, ignore it, override it? 

Do you feel anxious when it calls, powerful when you restrain it, or weak when you cave into it?

Finding Your Natural Appetite
It is possible to cultivate a natural, easy and life-affirming relationship with your appetite. Doing so requires tuning into the wisdom of your body and trusting it to guide you—not some external forces or a belief that wanting to eat says anything about who you are as a person.  

Do You Need to Lose This?

A few years ago, a very attractive, stylish woman in her young 50s stood up at a conference we were both attending and talked about her lifelong struggle with weight. 

I will never forget how moved I was as she spoke about spending her entire life obsessing over losing 10-20 pounds, desperately running from one diet and exercise program to the next in hopes that she would finally find the perfect formula for achieving the perfect body and ultimately, the perfect life. 

She tearfully shared her fear that she would still be dieting on her deathbed and that her only legacy would be one of a chronic dieter.

I admired her courage to share her story with the audience. I think of her often when others courageously share with me their own weight-loss journeys, and their frustration with the amount of time and energy they spend loathing their bodies and striving to change them.

Naturally, we all want to feel good in our bodies. However, what we really need to lose is not weight, but the belief that we are not lovable, worthy and enough just as we are.

The conference woman spent decades in self-imposed imprisonment. For years, she put her life on hold as she clung to the belief that until she reached her ideal body, she would never be good enough. 

She admitted she was at the event in hopes that it would provide the magic solution she'd spent more than 40 years searching for. And, in all actuality, it did. For what she discovered was that the acceptance and love she longed for was already within her and accessible at that very moment--and it had absolutely nothing to do with a number on a scale.

"Nothing less than freedom comes when you can let go of being somebody who needs to be different in order to be okay." -Mary O'Malley, Author

Do You Should On Yourself?

Does any of this sound familiar?

• I should eat healthier.
• I should exercise more.
• I should go to bed earlier.
• I should cook more.
• I should drink less wine.

I'm guessing you can relate in some way. Most of us, however, don't realize how ineffective a "should" mindset is.

The Trance of Should
When you get stuck in the trance of should, you embed yourself in a negative thought pattern that stirs up feelings of guilt, shame, anxiety and self-contempt. A sense of unworthiness or “I’m not okay as I am” arises leading to tension, contraction and heaviness in the body.  

A should is an unnecessary, self-chosen stressor that often results in overwhelm, frustration, despair and burnout.

No Heart in Should
When you do things simply because you should, your actions lack authenticity, wholeheartedness and pleasure. It’s hard to generate genuine enthusiasm and sustainable motivation when you’re up against a big, heavy should.

Deconstruct Your Shoulds
I have a friend who every few months takes up running only to quit a few weeks later because he hates it. Why does he do this? Because he believes it’s what he should do to have a better body.

What if he stopped to deconstruct the source of this self-imposed should? What or who really drives its? There are a million different ways to exercise; why does he believe that running is the one thing he must do to be right with himself?

How would he feel if he let go of this belief and stopped trying to force himself to do something that isn’t in alignment with his true nature? I’m guessing pretty darn free.

Investigate the Root of Your Should
Operating from a place of should is very disempowering. When you catch yourself shoulding on yourself, stop and investigate the thought.

Ask yourself why you think you should do something. Inquire if you’re trying to live up to someone else’s expectations or society’s standards. Is your should in alignment with your true self and desires?

Liberate Yourself: Swap Should for Could
It's also very helpful to swap your should for could. This gives you the freedom of choice and is much more positive, empowering and liberating. For example:

• I could eat healthier.
• I could exercise more.
• I could go to bed earlier.
• I could drink less wine.
• I could cook more.

Now, investigate with curiosity and compassion if it's something you really want, and if so, what’s stopping you from taking action. Many of us know what we could be doing, but don’t do it because we don’t have the know-how, support or accountability to get unstuck and make lasting change.

I help my clients identify the roadblocks that prevent them from fulfilling their desires. We break down their barriers to change then focus on cultivating lifelong healthy habits not because they should, but because they feel good. As a result, their actions become more effortless, relaxed, pleasurable and sustainable. To learn more, click here to request a complimentary consultation call.