Eating Your Way Through Tough Times

With all the tragic events that have taken place over the past few weeks and months, like me, you may be experiencing a wide range of emotions, from disbelief, sadness and despair to helplessness, anger and anxiety.

You may have also noticed yourself more frequently reaching for a pint of ice cream, bag of chips or box of cookies to alleviate these strong emotions.

This is totally okay.

Eating sometimes for emotional reasons is part of normal eating.

It’s simply an attempt to take care of yourself—a coping strategy when times are tough.

The important thing is to not beat yourself up over it. 

It’s much more helpful to view each experience as an opportunity to learn more about yourself—to expand your self-awareness and cultivate more wisdom.

Doing so will help you approach future emotional eating episodes with a greater understanding of your true needs and a larger set of tools for fulfilling them.

Pause and Reflect
When you find yourself turning to food to regulate uncomfortable emotions, hit pause and ask yourself:

What need am I trying to fulfill with this food?

Maybe it’s comfort, pleasure, relief, distraction or connection.

Once you’ve identified what it is you really need, reflect on what will help you get it.

For example, if you discover what you’re really seeking is connection (not cookies), consider how you can meet this deeper need.

Perhaps it’s talking with a loved one, support group or therapist; playing with your dog; spending time with Mother Nature; volunteering in your community; or engaging with like-minded activists.

Whatever you come up with, add it to your toolbox.

Curiosity and Compassion
Sometimes you won’t know what you truly need until after you’ve brushed the chip crumbs off your shirt or washed the chocolate off your fingers. Keep reflecting; the answer will eventually come to you.

The key is to approach your emotional eating with curiosity and compassion, rather than criticism and judgment.

Doing so will enable you to become more aware of what drives your eating decisions, and empower you to have a different relationship with food—not a perfect one, but a more relaxed, trusting and peaceful one.

Screw It!
Even as you become more attuned to your true needs, you may sometimes say, “screw it!” and choose to emotionally eat. Again, this is totally okay and normal.

When you do make this more conscious choice, let go of any negative self-talk.

You know, that voice in your head that says, “I shouldn’t be doing this. I’m breaking the rules and being bad. I’m must make up for this food sin by working out extra hard and skipping breakfast and lunch tomorrow.”

Instead, squash that voice, sit down, and slowly savor every single bite. 

Have You Ever Experienced Something Like This...?

At a dinner party one summer night, after serving myself a second portion of my favorite dishes, a guy at my table narrowed his eyes at me and said with a slight smirk, “Wow, you must really be hungry.”

I wanted to smack him.

At one point in my life, his comment would have set off a major shame spiral.

I would have shrunk down in my seat, hung my head and clamped my mouth shut while my cheeks burned bright red.

Thoughts like these would have raced through my head:

• I’m a pig.
• I shouldn’t be eating so much.
• Going back for seconds is bad.
• I have no self-control.
• I don’t deserve to eat what I want.
• If I want more food, I need to hide while eating it.
• There is something wrong with me.

Painful, Powerful Words
As I shared before with my brownie incident, careless comments like this can be really painful and very powerful.

They can have a huge impact that negatively shapes your core beliefs regarding who you are and what you deserve. For me, they contributed to years of disordered eating.

Thankfully, with the help of some very wise teachers, I was able to shed my destructive beliefs and behaviors.

I learned how to give myself unconditional permission to eat and enjoy food, and how to cultivate a more nourishing, trusting and peaceful relationship with food and my body.

Unconditional Permission
Each one of us has a right to eat whatever we want—whenever, wherever and however we want it.

You don’t have to earn the right to eat something.

You don’t have to justify your food choices, make excuses for them, hide them, or apologize for them.

And what’s on your plate is nobody’s business.

An Opportunity for Gratitude
After the initial flash of anger I felt when that guy made his comment, I caught myself starting to justify my actions to the entire table, something along the lines of “I’ve hardly eaten today” and "I had a light lunch." 

Realizing what I was doing, I stopped talking, picked up my fork and went back to enjoying my meal.

Later, while reflecting on the situation, I came to appreciate the opportunity it gave me to see just how far I’ve come. 

Do You Suck It In?

Growing up, my summers were spent at the neighborhood pool. I have very fond memories of playing Marco Polo with my pals, perfecting my swan dive, and snacking on frozen candy bars and sour taffy. 

I also have a very vivid memory of one of my girlfriends. I’ll call her Kim. She was about 13 years old at the time.

To this day, I can still see Kim walking down the diving board and around the pool deck in her magenta one-piece swimsuit sucking in her stomach like crazy. 

I was struck by Kim’s vigilance and unwavering determination to reveal nothing but a perfectly flat stomach. We never talked about it, but I could sense how strongly she felt her body wasn’t acceptable unless she shape shifted it to fit a cultural ideal. 

Protection from Rejection
Of course, I can totally relate to Kim's actions. Maybe you can, too. 

There have been many times over the years that I either intentionally or subconsciously walked around chronically sucking in my stomach.

I felt it was critical to hide this protruding part of myself that I feared others would find unattractive and label as a weakness, ultimately leading them to reject me. 

Deeply ingrained, I still sometimes catch myself resorting to this tactic when feeling vulnerable. Unlike my butt or thighs, I can instantly suck in my gut.

By controlling the size of my stomach, I mistakenly believe I can control a world full of uncertainty, including how others perceive me and the degree to which they admire, accept and love me.

Liberate Yourself
As you pull on your swimsuit this summer, you may find yourself also getting pulled into the false stories about what the size of your belly (or butt, thighs, arms, etc.) says about you.

Such toxic thoughts can trap you in a negative mindset that drives you to relentlessly beat yourself up for not having the "perfect" body while missing out on all the fun.   

Instead, what if you used this moment as a life-changing opportunity to liberate yourself from the conditioning and beliefs that are no longer serving you? 

It takes courage and commitment to change your relationship with your body, to accept and love yourself even when you don't always like what you see in the mirror, to let go of what others might be thinking of you, to let it all hang out.

But, in the words of one of my beloved healers and authors, Mary O’Malley…

"Nothing less than freedom comes when you can let go of being somebody that needs to be different in order to be okay."