Break Free From Your Exercise Police!

Do you need to break free from your Exercise Police?

Like your internal Food Police, the voices in your head that try to enforce food moralism and the harmful food rules our diet and wellness cultures have created, your inner Exercise Police are the voices in your head that try to enforce rules regarding what is and isn’t acceptable when it comes to movement.

Your Exercise Police may sound something like this…

• It’s not really exercise unless you get your heart rate up or break a sweat.

• You must work out for at least X minutes, otherwise it doesn’t count.

• You can’t stop until you go a certain distance or burn a specific number of calories.

• If you skip a workout, you need to eat less to make up for it.

• No matter how your body is feeling, you have to do the workout you planned.

• It’s not worth it if it doesn’t burn very many calories.

• If you don’t work out today, you’ll have to work out twice as hard tomorrow.

• You don’t have the right body for that type of exercise.

• If you ate “badly,” you have to work out to make up for it.

• If you want a “bad” food, you have to work out to earn it.

• If you don’t exercise, you’re bad, lazy, undisciplined and unhealthy.

• If it doesn’t result in weight loss, there’s no point in doing it.

Does any of this sound familiar? I bet you can think of some rules that aren't on this list. I could have gone on and on!

Squash Joy and Connection
When your Exercise Police are driving your decision-making, you may find yourself frequently ignoring the messages your body is sending you, like pain or fatigue, to adhere to your exercise rules.

You may also find yourself feeling less motivated to move, dreading your workouts, pushing your body beyond its limits, experiencing frequent injuries, exercising when you’re sick, or prioritizing exercise over friends and family.

With their very black-and-white, all-or-nothing approach to movement, your Exercise Police likely amplify your stress rather than alleviate it, leave you feeling depleted instead of invigorated, and make you feel guilty and ashamed when you break a rule.

Basically, your Exercise Police suck all the fun and joy out of movement and disconnect you from your innate body wisdom.

How to Break Free
The good news is that you can break free from your Exercise Police by recognizing their presence, challenging their commands, defying their rules, and giving yourself permission to experiment with other possibilities based on what feels right to you.

Instead of adhering to external rules, plans or authorities when it comes to movement (and eating!), listen to your internal cues. This means checking in with your body and honoring what it’s needing and desiring.

Perhaps it’s gentle stretching instead of a fast-paced yoga class, a relaxing walk versus a vigorous run, or a kitchen dance party rather than a boot-camp workout.

Or maybe it’s a rest day, a soak in the tub, or a nap!

Joyful, Intuitive Movement
To help you cultivate a relationship with movement that’s joyful, flexible, balanced and intuitive, ask yourself questions, such as:

• What is my body truly needing and desiring right now?

• What’s my motivation, what am I hoping this activity will do for me?

• If this activity had zero capacity to decrease my weight, would I still do it?

• How is this movement making me feel?

• Does this feel kind and respectful to my body?

• Does this feel pleasurable or punitive?

• Is this alleviating or amplifying my stress?

• Is this energizing or exhausting me?

• What would a more flexible, intuitive approach look like?

• Am I having fun right now? If not, what would be more fun?

There are a million ways to move your body. Why do something that doesn’t feel good or you don’t enjoy? 

It's important, however, to remember that it's a privilege to even have a choice whether or not to engage in movement. And for some, exercise may never feel good or joyful for a variety of different reasons from a chronic condition to just simply hating it.

If this is the case for you, yet you want to experience some of the benefits of movement, then I encourage you to pick whatever feels the most tolerable and pair it with something that makes it a bit more tolerable, like a favorite friend, show or podcast.

Beware of Exercise Moralism
Despite what our diet, wellness and fitness cultures want us to believe, exercise isn’t a moral obligation.

How you choose to move your body, including choosing to not exercise at all, isn’t a reflection of your moral character. 

Just like with food, your exercise choices do not make you a good or bad person or superior or inferior.

What matters most is that you honor what works the best for you and feels the best for your body

Please Don't Comment on My Weight

Years ago, when I was obsessed with losing weight, people frequently complimented my self-discipline and smaller body.

Although well-intentioned, what they didn’t realize was that their praise further fueled my disordered relationship with food and exercise.

It also intensified my fatphobia and reinforced the false belief that my “after” body was better than my “before” body.

When I regained the weight, people made comments to me about this, too.

Their remarks amplified the shame I felt about not being able to keep the weight off and made me want to hide from the world. They also triggered a desire to start undereating and overexercising again.

I didn’t know at the time that my experience was typical, that about 95 percent of dieters regain the weight they lose. Maybe if I had, I would have felt less shame and more self-compassion.

I also didn’t know that it’s inappropriate to comment on someone’s body without their consent. Doing so is so normalized in our culture, that I never stopped to question it, until I realized how harmful it can be.

How to Respond
Whether someone says "I'm concerned about your weight gain" or “You look great! Have you lost weight?” or “Wow, you’ve really packed on the pounds!” the main implications are that your weight is one of the most important things about you and that a smaller body is a better body, which, despite what our toxic diet culture wants us to believe, is completely untrue.

It’s often hard to know how to respond to comments like these. Following are a handful of responses to try out.

• Please don’t comment on my body without my consent.

• I don’t talk about anyone’s weight, including my own.

• My weight is the least interesting thing about me! Let’s talk about more interesting things.

• I feel uncomfortable talking about my weight. Would you be willing to not bring it up again?

• It’s not okay to comment on someone’s body size, including mine.

• Your comment is inappropriate. My body is nobody’s business.

• I don’t focus on my weight and would like you to do the same.

• Ew, it’s kinda creepy that you’re monitoring my body.

• My weight is not up for discussion, now or ever.

• Who made it your job to track my weight?

• Please don’t bring up my weight without my permission.

• I know you mean well, but your comments are unhelpful.

• (Shrug) It’s normal for bodies to change.

Do What's Best for You
Responding to weight comments can feel awkward and these replies may not roll off your tongue the first few times you use them. I still get tongue-tied sometimes.

I encourage you to experiment with them, modify them, or use them as a jumping off point for creating responses that best suit your needs.

In time, you will land on a few replies that work well for you. Of course, how you respond or if you respond at all will depend on the situation you’re in.

Unless you have the time, energy and desire to engage in a larger conversation about why weight comments are inappropriate and harmful, I suggest responding briefly then switching the topic. You don’t owe anyone an explanation or an education.

If you don’t feel up to saying anything or comfortable or safe doing so, shrugging, changing the subject or walking away might be the best path to take. Again, you don't owe anyone anything.

Lastly, it’s important to keep in mind that when someone comments on your weight, it says far more about them and their own internalized weight bias than it does about you and your body.

I Freaked Out Over a Few Calories

When I was obsessed with losing weight, I was hypervigilant about every single morsel that entered my mouth.

One of my permitted snacks was sea-salt soy crisps. I would carefully count out one serving, putting 21 crisps into a bowl. By eating this exact portion, I could stay on track with my daily calorie limit.

If my boyfriend innocently grabbed a handful from my bowl and tossed them into his mouth, I’d angrily snap at him. Unsure of how many he ate, I’d anxiously try to determine the correct number to replace.

Calorie Count Freak-Out
One day, after months of eating these soy crisps, I happened to glance at the nutrition facts label on the back of the package. To my horror, the serving size had changed from 21 crisps to 17, yet the calories remained the same. I had no idea how long ago the change had been made. I only knew that I had been eating more calories than I had been calculating.

I was so incensed, I fired off an irate email to the company’s customer service department. I complained about how incredibly misled I felt. I believed I’d been deceived and demanded an explanation.

I don’t remember what the company’s written response was, but I do remember they graciously sent me some coupons.

When I recalled this event years later, I felt deeply embarrassed and ashamed. I can’t imagine what the person who received my email must have thought about me.

Didn't Like Who I Became
While I still feel a tad bit embarrassed, I now see this experience as a powerful example of the negative impact dieting can have on not only your physical health, but also your mental and emotional health—and your relationships.

Once a fun-loving, easygoing gal, my obsession with weight loss and restrictive eating behaviors turned me into a rigid, uptight person who would quickly freak out over a few calories.

I didn’t like the person I had become—and frankly, neither did the people around me.

It was so helpful to remember this—along with the many other ways dieting harmed me—when I was working on healing my relationship with food and my body.

Whenever I felt tempted to diet again, I would remind myself that I never wanted to be that person again.

Lost Myself and More
I feel so much compassion for myself when I was entrenched in diet culture as I truly believed I was doing what I was supposed to do to be healthy and happy. I had no idea how unhealthy and unhappy dieting would make me.

I didn’t know that my desire to lose weight would result in me losing myself along with many other things I deeply valued.

How has dieting changed you?

In what ways has it negatively impacted who you are and how you act?

What parts of yourself have you lost?