What's Your Story?

For years, I believed the farthest I could run was three miles. That was my limit. End of story.

Then one day I went to cheer on a friend while she ran a half marathon. As I watched hundreds of runners cross the finish line, I was totally surprised and inspired by the tremendous diversity of racers. People of every size, shape and age ran those 13.1 miles. Seeing them made me reconsider my story. Was it true? Or, was it in need of a major rewrite? If they could run that far, maybe I could too.

So I started running a little bit more every week, challenging myself to go further and further. Eventually, I ran my first half marathon. As I crossed the finish line, I remember thinking there was no way I could run twice as far to complete a full marathon—that would be 26.2 miles and I was dog-tired after just 13.1!

Yet, I was intrigued by the idea...

My half-marathon experience had boosted my running confidence and opened my mind to new possibilities. So, I continued to rewrite my story. Soon, I was running multiple full marathons—and loving every minute.

Our Stories Create Limiting Beliefs
We all have stories that create limiting beliefs that disempower us, shape our identity, and hold us back from manifesting the best version of ourselves. Here are some common ones in the realm of food and body:

• I can’t love my body until I lose weight.

• Everything will be better when I’m thinner.

• I can’t [swim, dance, clothes shop, date, etc.] until I weigh less.

• I’ll always struggle with eating and my weight.

• I can’t be trusted with food; I have no self-control.

• Eating intuitively isn’t possible for me.

• I’ll never be a good cook.

• I don’t have the discipline to exercise regularly.

• Taking time for self-care is selfish.

Change Your Story, Change Your Life
Often, the stories we believe about ourselves come from other people. When we buy into them, we become a passive participant in our life, living according to other people’s stories about us and the way the world works.

The good news is, you can change your stories, just as I did with my three-mile tale.

Start now by asking yourself these questions:

• What are the dominant stories in my life?

• How are these stories disempowering me and holding me back?

• How can I rewrite them so they are more empowering?

• What actions can I take to reinforce my new stories?

• What evidence can I find to support my new stories?

• How will my life change as a result of my new stories?

Helping my clients recognize and rewrite their disempowering narratives fuels the transformation they're seeking. If you'd like support with changing the stories that are keeping you stuck and unhappy, click here to schedule a complimentary consultation call today.

The Shameful Brownie

Can you relate to this story?

I was a young teen enjoying the fun and excitement of a kitchen full of friends, family and yummy food. As I reached for one of my favorite treats, a homemade dark-chocolate brownie, a young guy standing across the room smirked at me and said loudly:

“Once on your lips, forever on your hips.”

I shrunk back from the counter, brownie in hand, cheeks burning bright red with shame and humiliation. Shoulders slumped, head down, I turned away without saying a word and headed to a quiet corner to eat my brownie alone. Sadly, it didn’t taste as good as it usually did.

Those eight words stung. This is what they meant to my 12-year-old mind:

• I should be worried about my weight.
   

• I should fear gaining weight.
   

• Eating treats, like brownies, will make me gain weight, which makes them bad.
   

• Eating bad foods makes me a bad person.
   

• I will have to pay for my food sins.
   

• People are observing and judging my actions.
   

• If I eat bad food, I better do it while no one is watching. 
   

• If I eat bad food, I will immediately gain weight. 
   

• I need to vigilantly monitor every morsel I eat.
   

• With a body like this, I don’t deserve to eat treats.
   

• I am somehow falling short.

Cemented Core Beliefs
This incident further cemented many core beliefs about food and body that had begun taking root inside my increasingly self-conscious teenage self as I attempted to navigate a culture obsessed with dieting and skinniness. 

These core beliefs led to decades of deprivation and overindulgence, playing “Hide and Eat,” and making food choices based not on nourishment and pleasure, but rather on how they would impact my weight.

And, they contributed to years of warring with my body and bouncing between good-girl/bad-girl status depending upon whether I ate a big bowl of broccoli or a big bowl of ice cream. Guilt and shame were constant dining companions.

Three Takeaways
While there are many takeaways from my story, there are three key ones I want to emphasize: 

1. The Power of Words
My hope is that this story will remind you of the tremendous power of your words and to be extremely conscientious and thoughtful about the comments you make to others regarding their food choices, eating habits and body.

This is especially important with children, teenagers and young adults, who are so incredibly impressionable, eager to be loved and belong, and struggling to develop a strong sense of self. 

This also includes negative, disempowering comments you make about yourself to yourself and others about your own body and food choices, which come from your own core beliefs and can easily influence other people's core beliefs.

2. You're Not Alone
I shared this story to let you know that if your food choices, eating habits and/or body shape make you feel guilty, ashamed, embarrassed or unworthy, you’re not alone and it's not your fault.

Many of us experience these same feelings. 

Most likely, your beliefs and actions are being driven by a set of core beliefs you adopted at a very young age, that are often influenced by repeated messages you received from others and/or your environment.

3. You Can Change
Lastly, may my story reassure you that you have the capacity to change your core beliefs and transform your relationship with food, eating and your body into a more nourishing, loving, relaxed and peaceful one, just as I've done (and continue to do).

I don’t have any magical powers. If I can do it, you can do it. 

One of the first places to start is sharing your own stories in a safe and accepting space, whether it’s with a trusted friend, therapist, coach or support group. For most of us, exposing this dark, messy side of ourselves is really scary. 

It wasn't easy when I first started talking about aspects of myself that I had long kept hidden. I still feel a bit of vulnerability and fear every time I share one of my stories.

However, over time, I’ve found doing so has helped me cultivate more self-acceptance and unconditional love. And, it's helped me release my feelings of shame and create deeper connections with others who can relate to my experience.

As shame and vulnerability expert Dr. Brene Brown says:

"If we can share our story with someone who responds with empathy and understanding, shame can't survive."

Do You Suck It In?

Growing up, my summers were spent at the neighborhood pool. I have very fond memories of playing Marco Polo with my pals, perfecting my swan dive, and snacking on frozen candy bars and sour taffy. 

I also have a very vivid memory of one of my girlfriends. I’ll call her Kim. She was about 13 years old at the time. To this day, I can still see Kim walking down the diving board and around the pool deck in her magenta one-piece swimsuit sucking in her stomach like crazy. 

I was struck by Kim’s vigilance and unwavering determination to reveal nothing but a perfectly flat stomach. We never talked about it, but I could sense how strongly she felt her body wasn’t acceptable unless she shape shifted it to fit a cultural ideal. 

Protection From Rejection
Of course, I can totally relate to Kim's actions. Maybe you can, too. 

There have been many times over the years that I either intentionally or subconsciously walked around chronically sucking in my stomach. I felt it was critical to hide this protruding part of myself that I feared others would find unattractive and label as a sign of weakness, ultimately leading them to reject me. 

Deeply ingrained, I still sometimes catch myself resorting to this tactic when feeling vulnerable. Unlike my butt or thighs, I can instantly suck in my gut. By controlling the size of my stomach, I mistakenly believe I can control a world full of uncertainty, including how others perceive me and the degree to which they admire, accept and love me.

Liberate Yourself
Should you pull on a swimsuit this holiday weekend, you may find yourself also getting pulled into the false stories about what the size of your belly (or butt, thighs, arms, etc.) says about you. Such toxic thoughts can trap you in a negative mindset that drives you to relentlessly beat yourself up for not having the "perfect" body while missing out on all the fun.   

Consider the irony of celebrating living in the land of the free while simultaneously living in a self-imposed prison! 

Instead, what if you used Independence Day as a life-changing opportunity to liberate yourself from the conditioning and beliefs that are no longer serving you? 

It takes courage and commitment to change your relationship with your body, to accept and love yourself even when you don't always like what you see in the mirror, to let go of what you think others are thinking of you, to let it all hang out. But, in the words of one of my beloved healers and authors, Mary O’Malley…

"Nothing less than freedom comes when you can let go of being somebody that needs to be different in order to be okay."